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Proposal: The Sia Foundation

Vision Statement

A common sentiment is brewing online; a shared desire for the internet that might have been. After decades of corporate encroachment, you don't need to be a power user to realize that something has gone very wrong.
In the early days of the internet, the future was bright. In that future, when you sent an instant message, it traveled directly to the recipient. When you needed to pay a friend, you announced a transfer of value to their public key. When an app was missing a feature you wanted, you opened up the source code and implemented it. When you took a picture on your phone, it was immediately encrypted and backed up to storage that you controlled. In that future, people would laugh at the idea of having to authenticate themselves to some corporation before doing these things.
What did we get instead? Rather than a network of human-sized communities, we have a handful of enormous commons, each controlled by a faceless corporate entity. Hey user, want to send a message? You can, but we'll store a copy of it indefinitely, unencrypted, for our preference-learning algorithms to pore over; how else could we slap targeted ads on every piece of content you see? Want to pay a friend? You can—in our Monopoly money. Want a new feature? Submit a request to our Support Center and we'll totally maybe think about it. Want to backup a photo? You can—inside our walled garden, which only we (and the NSA, of course) can access. Just be careful what you share, because merely locking you out of your account and deleting all your data is far from the worst thing we could do.
You rationalize this: "MEGACORP would never do such a thing; it would be bad for business." But we all know, at some level, that this state of affairs, this inversion of power, is not merely "unfortunate" or "suboptimal" – No. It is degrading. Even if MEGACORP were purely benevolent, it is degrading that we must ask its permission to talk to our friends; that we must rely on it to safeguard our treasured memories; that our digital lives are completely beholden to those who seek only to extract value from us.
At the root of this issue is the centralization of data. MEGACORP can surveil you—because your emails and video chats flow through their servers. And MEGACORP can control you—because they hold your data hostage. But centralization is a solution to a technical problem: How can we make the user's data accessible from anywhere in the world, on any device? For a long time, no alternative solution to this problem was forthcoming.
Today, thanks to a confluence of established techniques and recent innovations, we have solved the accessibility problem without resorting to centralization. Hashing, encryption, and erasure encoding got us most of the way, but one barrier remained: incentives. How do you incentivize an anonymous stranger to store your data? Earlier protocols like BitTorrent worked around this limitation by relying on altruism, tit-for-tat requirements, or "points" – in other words, nothing you could pay your electric bill with. Finally, in 2009, a solution appeared: Bitcoin. Not long after, Sia was born.
Cryptography has unleashed the latent power of the internet by enabling interactions between mutually-distrustful parties. Sia harnesses this power to turn the cloud storage market into a proper marketplace, where buyers and sellers can transact directly, with no intermediaries, anywhere in the world. No more silos or walled gardens: your data is encrypted, so it can't be spied on, and it's stored on many servers, so no single entity can hold it hostage. Thanks to projects like Sia, the internet is being re-decentralized.
Sia began its life as a startup, which means it has always been subjected to two competing forces: the ideals of its founders, and the profit motive inherent to all businesses. Its founders have taken great pains to never compromise on the former, but this often threatened the company's financial viability. With the establishment of the Sia Foundation, this tension is resolved. The Foundation, freed of the obligation to generate profit, is a pure embodiment of the ideals from which Sia originally sprung.
The goals and responsibilities of the Foundation are numerous: to maintain core Sia protocols and consensus code; to support developers building on top of Sia and its protocols; to promote Sia and facilitate partnerships in other spheres and communities; to ensure that users can easily acquire and safely store siacoins; to develop network scalability solutions; to implement hardforks and lead the community through them; and much more. In a broader sense, its mission is to commoditize data storage, making it cheap, ubiquitous, and accessible to all, without compromising privacy or performance.
Sia is a perfect example of how we can achieve better living through cryptography. We now begin a new chapter in Sia's history. May our stewardship lead it into a bright future.
 

Overview

Today, we are proposing the creation of the Sia Foundation: a new non-profit entity that builds and supports distributed cloud storage infrastructure, with a specific focus on the Sia storage platform. What follows is an informal overview of the Sia Foundation, covering two major topics: how the Foundation will be funded, and what its funds will be used for.

Organizational Structure

The Sia Foundation will be structured as a non-profit entity incorporated in the United States, likely a 501(c)(3) organization or similar. The actions of the Foundation will be constrained by its charter, which formalizes the specific obligations and overall mission outlined in this document. The charter will be updated on an annual basis to reflect the current goals of the Sia community.
The organization will be operated by a board of directors, initially comprising Luke Champine as President and Eddie Wang as Chairman. Luke Champine will be leaving his position at Nebulous to work at the Foundation full-time, and will seek to divest his shares of Nebulous stock along with other potential conflicts of interest. Neither Luke nor Eddie personally own any siafunds or significant quantities of siacoin.

Funding

The primary source of funding for the Foundation will come from a new block subsidy. Following a hardfork, 30 KS per block will be allocated to the "Foundation Fund," continuing in perpetuity. The existing 30 KS per block miner reward is not affected. Additionally, one year's worth of block subsidies (approximately 1.57 GS) will be allocated to the Fund immediately upon activation of the hardfork.
As detailed below, the Foundation will provably burn any coins that it cannot meaningfully spend. As such, the 30 KS subsidy should be viewed as a maximum. This allows the Foundation to grow alongside Sia without requiring additional hardforks.
The Foundation will not be funded to any degree by the possession or sale of siafunds. Siafunds were originally introduced as a means of incentivizing growth, and we still believe in their effectiveness: a siafund holder wants to increase the amount of storage on Sia as much as possible. While the Foundation obviously wants Sia to succeed, its driving force should be its charter. Deriving significant revenue from siafunds would jeopardize the Foundation's impartiality and focus. Ultimately, we want the Foundation to act in the best interests of Sia, not in growing its own budget.

Responsibilities

The Foundation inherits a great number of responsibilities from Nebulous. Each quarter, the Foundation will publish the progress it has made over the past quarter, and list the responsibilities it intends to prioritize over the coming quarter. This will be accompanied by a financial report, detailing each area of expenditure over the past quarter, and forecasting expenditures for the coming quarter. Below, we summarize some of the myriad responsibilities towards which the Foundation is expected to allocate its resources.

Maintain and enhance core Sia software

Arguably, this is the most important responsibility of the Foundation. At the heart of Sia is its consensus algorithm: regardless of other differences, all Sia software must agree upon the content and rules of the blockchain. It is therefore crucial that the algorithm be stewarded by an entity that is accountable to the community, transparent in its decision-making, and has no profit motive or other conflicts of interest.
Accordingly, Sia’s consensus functionality will no longer be directly maintained by Nebulous. Instead, the Foundation will release and maintain an implementation of a "minimal Sia full node," comprising the Sia consensus algorithm and P2P networking code. The source code will be available in a public repository, and signed binaries will be published for each release.
Other parties may use this code to provide alternative full node software. For example, Nebulous may extend the minimal full node with wallet, renter, and host functionality. The source code of any such implementation may be submitted to the Foundation for review. If the code passes review, the Foundation will provide "endorsement signatures" for the commit hash used and for binaries compiled internally by the Foundation. Specifically, these signatures assert that the Foundation believes the software contains no consensus-breaking changes or other modifications to imported Foundation code. Endorsement signatures and Foundation-compiled binaries may be displayed and distributed by the receiving party, along with an appropriate disclaimer.
A minimal full node is not terribly useful on its own; the wallet, renter, host, and other extensions are what make Sia a proper developer platform. Currently, the only implementations of these extensions are maintained by Nebulous. The Foundation will contract Nebulous to ensure that these extensions continue to receive updates and enhancements. Later on, the Foundation intends to develop its own implementations of these extensions and others. As with the minimal node software, these extensions will be open source and available in public repositories for use by any Sia node software.
With the consensus code now managed by the Foundation, the task of implementing and orchestrating hardforks becomes its responsibility as well. When the Foundation determines that a hardfork is necessary (whether through internal discussion or via community petition), a formal proposal will be drafted and submitted for public review, during which arguments for and against the proposal may be submitted to a public repository. During this time, the hardfork code will be implemented, either by Foundation employees or by external contributors working closely with the Foundation. Once the implementation is finished, final arguments will be heard. The Foundation board will then vote whether to accept or reject the proposal, and announce their decision along with appropriate justification. Assuming the proposal was accepted, the Foundation will announce the block height at which the hardfork will activate, and will subsequently release source code and signed binaries that incorporate the hardfork code.
Regardless of the Foundation's decision, it is the community that ultimately determines whether a fork is accepted or rejected – nothing can change that. Foundation node software will never automatically update, so all forks must be explicitly adopted by users. Furthermore, the Foundation will provide replay and wipeout protection for its hard forks, protecting other chains from unintended or malicious reorgs. Similarly, the Foundation will ensure that any file contracts formed prior to a fork activation will continue to be honored on both chains until they expire.
Finally, the Foundation also intends to pursue scalability solutions for the Sia blockchain. In particular, work has already begun on an implementation of Utreexo, which will greatly reduce the space requirements of fully-validating nodes (allowing a full node to be run on a smartphone) while increasing throughput and decreasing initial sync time. A hardfork implementing Utreexo will be submitted to the community as per the process detailed above.
As this is the most important responsibility of the Foundation, it will receive a significant portion of the Foundation’s budget, primarily in the form of developer salaries and contracting agreements.

Support community services

We intend to allocate 25% of the Foundation Fund towards the community. This allocation will be held and disbursed in the form of siacoins, and will pay for grants, bounties, hackathons, and other community-driven endeavours.
Any community-run service, such as a Skynet portal, explorer or web wallet, may apply to have its costs covered by the Foundation. Upon approval, the Foundation will reimburse expenses incurred by the service, subject to the exact terms agreed to. The intent of these grants is not to provide a source of income, but rather to make such services "break even" for their operators, so that members of the community can enrich the Sia ecosystem without worrying about the impact on their own finances.

Ensure easy acquisition and storage of siacoins

Most users will acquire their siacoins via an exchange. The Foundation will provide support to Sia-compatible exchanges, and pursue relevant integrations at its discretion, such as Coinbase's new Rosetta standard. The Foundation may also release DEX software that enables trading cryptocurrencies without the need for a third party. (The Foundation itself will never operate as a money transmitter.)
Increasingly, users are storing their cryptocurrency on hardware wallets. The Foundation will maintain the existing Ledger Nano S integration, and pursue further integrations at its discretion.
Of course, all hardware wallets must be paired with software running on a computer or smartphone, so the Foundation will also develop and/or maintain client-side wallet software, including both full-node wallets and "lite" wallets. Community-operated wallet services, i.e. web wallets, may be funded via grants.
Like core software maintenance, this responsibility will be funded in the form of developer salaries and contracting agreements.

Protect the ecosystem

When it comes to cryptocurrency security, patching software vulnerabilities is table stakes; there are significant legal and social threats that we must be mindful of as well. As such, the Foundation will earmark a portion of its fund to defend the community from legal action. The Foundation will also safeguard the network from 51% attacks and other threats to network security by implementing softforks and/or hardforks where necessary.
The Foundation also intends to assist in the development of a new FOSS software license, and to solicit legal memos on various Sia-related matters, such as hosting in the United States and the EU.
In a broader sense, the establishment of the Foundation makes the ecosystem more robust by transferring core development to a more neutral entity. Thanks to its funding structure, the Foundation will be immune to various forms of pressure that for-profit companies are susceptible to.

Drive adoption of Sia

Although the overriding goal of the Foundation is to make Sia the best platform it can be, all that work will be in vain if no one uses the platform. There are a number of ways the Foundation can promote Sia and get it into the hands of potential users and developers.
In-person conferences are understandably far less popular now, but the Foundation can sponsor and/or participate in virtual conferences. (In-person conferences may be held in the future, permitting circumstances.) Similarly, the Foundation will provide prizes for hackathons, which may be organized by community members, Nebulous, or the Foundation itself. Lastly, partnerships with other companies in the cryptocurrency space—or the cloud storage space—are a great way to increase awareness of Sia. To handle these responsibilities, one of the early priorities of the Foundation will be to hire a marketing director.

Fund Management

The Foundation Fund will be controlled by a multisig address. Each member of the Foundation's board will control one of the signing keys, with the signature threshold to be determined once the final composition of the board is known. (This threshold may also be increased or decreased if the number of board members changes.) Additionally, one timelocked signing key will be controlled by David Vorick. This key will act as a “dead man’s switch,” to be used in the event of an emergency that prevents Foundation board members from reaching the signature threshold. The timelock ensures that this key cannot be used unless the Foundation fails to sign a transaction for several months.
On the 1st of each month, the Foundation will use its keys to transfer all siacoins in the Fund to two new addresses. The first address will be controlled by a high-security hot wallet, and will receive approximately one month's worth of Foundation expenditures. The second address, receiving the remaining siacoins, will be a modified version of the source address: specifically, it will increase the timelock on David Vorick's signing key by one month. Any other changes to the set of signing keys, such as the arrival or departure of board members, will be incorporated into this address as well.
The Foundation Fund is allocated in SC, but many of the Foundation's expenditures must be paid in USD or other fiat currency. Accordingly, the Foundation will convert, at its discretion, a portion of its monthly withdrawals to fiat currency. We expect this conversion to be primarily facilitated by private "OTC" sales to accredited investors. The Foundation currently has no plans to speculate in cryptocurrency or other assets.
Finally, it is important that the Foundation adds value to the Sia platform well in excess of the inflation introduced by the block subsidy. For this reason, the Foundation intends to provably burn, on a quarterly basis, any coins that it cannot allocate towards any justifiable expense. In other words, coins will be burned whenever doing so provides greater value to the platform than any other use. Furthermore, the Foundation will cap its SC treasury at 5% of the total supply, and will cap its USD treasury at 4 years’ worth of predicted expenses.
 
Addendum: Hardfork Timeline
We would like to see this proposal finalized and accepted by the community no later than September 30th. A new version of siad, implementing the hardfork, will be released no later than October 15th. The hardfork will activate at block 293220, which is expected to occur around 12pm EST on January 1st, 2021.
 
Addendum: Inflation specifics
The total supply of siacoins as of January 1st, 2021 will be approximately 45.243 GS. The initial subsidy of 1.57 GS thus increases the supply by 3.47%, and the total annual inflation in 2021 will be at most 10.4% (if zero coins are burned). In 2022, total annual inflation will be at most 6.28%, and will steadily decrease in subsequent years.
 

Conclusion

We see the establishment of the Foundation as an important step in the maturation of the Sia project. It provides the ecosystem with a sustainable source of funding that can be exclusively directed towards achieving Sia's ambitious goals. Compared to other projects with far deeper pockets, Sia has always punched above its weight; once we're on equal footing, there's no telling what we'll be able to achieve.
Nevertheless, we do not propose this change lightly, and have taken pains to ensure that the Foundation will act in accordance with the ideals that this community shares. It will operate transparently, keep inflation to a minimum, and respect the user's fundamental role in decentralized systems. We hope that everyone in the community will consider this proposal carefully, and look forward to a productive discussion.
submitted by lukechampine to siacoin [link] [comments]

A List of Sidehustle Ideas from SidehustleSchool.Com

Source: https://www.sidehustleschool.com/
[More ideas in the comments below too.]
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  1. "Cheap Plane Tickets" Site Becomes Million-Dollar Hustle ...
  2. $10,000 Side Hustle Helps Musician Land Full-Time Job ...
  3. 13-Year-Old Australian Creates Schoolyard Lollipop Fortune ...
  4. 23-Year-Old College Student Uses “Sweatcoin” App to Earn ...
  5. 3D Printing Brings Cosplay Into 21st Century
  6. A Life of Travel Leads to a House-Designing Hustle
  7. A Packed Closet Leads to Secondhand Subscription Boxes ...
  8. Academic Advisor Creates Profitable Karaoke League
  9. Accidental Side Hustle Becomes Decorative Family Business ...
  10. Accountant Earns $233751 Reselling Items He Buys at Walmart
  11. Acrobatic Mom Jumps Through Hoops to Become High-flying ...
  12. Active “Type 1” Lifestyle Inspires Sticky, Successful Side Hustle
  13. Actress Becomes Organizational Director of Organization ...
  14. Aerospace Apprentice Soars to Seven-Figure Sales Heights ...
  15. Alcohol Fueled Idea Sells Over 1500 Shirts in Less Than a Year
  16. An Everyday Bag That Gives Back to Women in India
  17. Art Teacher Draws Her Way Into Ceramic Shop
  18. Artistic Cartographer Maps Out Successful Side Hustle
  19. Artistic Duo Sells 8000 T-Shirts in One Year
  20. Aussie Engineer Moves to Farm, Earns Passive Income
  21. Aussie Stretches Out with Online Store for Tall Women
  22. Aussie Student Starts Million-Dollar Bikini Biz
  23. Australian Hacker Creates Passive Income Anatomy Course ...
  24. Auto Employee Earns $100,000 Selling Stickers on Instagram ...
  25. Avid Travelers Turn Finding Deals Into Vacation Planning ...
  26. Bargain Hunter Designs One-of-a-Kind Flea Market
  27. Bartender Brews Up Brewpub Tour Biz
  28. Bass Player Starts BassLayerz Clothing Hustle
  29. Bean-Lover Grinds Way To $4,000/Month Family Coffee ...
  30. Bearded Man Grows $500 A Month Grooming Business
  31. Bearded Man from Finland Cashes In on Holiday Cheer
  32. Beekeepers Build Buzzing Backyard Business
  33. Birds of a Feather Flock to Your Bank Account
  34. Bitcoin YouTuber Earns Thousands in Affiliate Commissions ...
  35. Blogger Earns $140,000 from Beta Phase of Online Course ...
  36. Blogger Turns Leftover Cherries Into $5,000/Month Income ...
  37. Boy Scout Merit Badge Leads to Leatherworking Lifestyle ...
  38. Bring Your Own Cannabis to this “420-Friendly” Painting Class
  39. British Pub Manager Bakes Pork Pies for Profit
  40. Brooklyn Photographer Gets Paid to Throw Confetti at People ...
  41. Business Students Make $125,000 Selling Headphone ...
  42. Busy Marketing Professional Fills Niche with Biking Wine Tours
  43. CLASSROOM: Four Ways to Identify Moneymaking Ideas ...
  44. CLASSROOM: Goals, Agenda, and Your First Assignment ...
  45. Call Center Employee Uses Patreon to Fund LGBTQ Podcasts ...
  46. Canadian Moms Invent Baby Monitors for Active Toddlers ...
  47. Canadian Sports Enthusiast Earns $1,000/Month Selling ...
  48. Car Enthusiast Races Towards Reselling Success
  49. Cat Lover Creates Cat-tivating Portrait Series
  50. Catholic Designer Creates Stylish Apparel Line
  51. Childhood Game Master Earns $1 Million from Nerdy ...
  52. Coffee for Firefighters Brings the Heat!
  53. College Ministry Leader Starts Digital Agency
  54. Colorado Nutritionist Reworks Role to Get Paid Twice
  55. Comic Book Curator Creates Custom Crate Subscription ...
  56. Continuing Education Directory Earns Six Figures
  57. Copywriter Carves 140 Characters into $50,000 in Cash
  58. Corporate Employee Makes $350,000 Selling Mosquito ...
  59. Coupon Code Site Earns Copious Profits
  60. Crafter's Shop for Dreadlock Wearers Unlocks $3,500/Month ...
  61. Creative Illustrator Creates Creative Podcast for Creatives ...
  62. Curated Gift Boxes for Breakups and Baby Bumps
  63. Data Geek Charts Course From Analyst to Author
  64. Data Scientist Turns Teaching Frustrations Into Recurring ...
  65. Designer Earns Extra $5000/Month Posting Logos on Instagram
  66. Designer Illustrates Success with Personalized Wedding ...
  67. Designer Performs Magic, Turns Dream Into Reality
  68. Designer Turns Bad Parking Into $25,000 Per Year
  69. Detroit Women Make Jewelry for Profit and Social Good
  70. Digital Camera Blogger Snaps Into Passive Income
  71. Distracted Coach Creates Accountability Software
  72. Dog Stocking Hustle Earns Husky Payoff
  73. Dutch Personal Shopping Service for Kids Measures Up
  74. EXTENDED CUT #13: When to Let Go of Good Ideas
  75. EXTENDED CUT #14: Start a Service Business in Less Than ...
  76. EXTENDED CUT #5: How to Choose Between Multiple Ideas ...
  77. Electrical Engineer Becomes Romance Novel Cover Model ...
  78. Electrical Engineer Sells $800 Swarovski Crystal Bikinis
  79. Elementary School Teacher Pans for Gold in New Zealand ...
  80. Engineer Codes His Way To $3,700 Per Month
  81. Engineer Earns 7-Figures from “Crowd-Purchasing” Project ...
  82. Engineer Makes $64000 Selling Nerdy Playing Cards on Reddit
  83. Engineer Reprograms Herself, Finds Confidence to Start Over ...
  84. Enjoy an Ice Cold Beverage in a Mug Made from Ice
  85. Equine Lover Makes $5,000; Stables Business to Change ...
  86. Exercise App Encourages Fitness While Helping Sick Kids ...
  87. Farmer Makes “Tater Tats” for All Your Produce Tattoo Needs ...
  88. Fashion Buyer Creates Quirky Comfort Craze
  89. Father and Son Duo Produce Traveling Play
  90. Faux Taxidermy Turns Heads on Home Decor
  91. Fidget Spinner Cookie Sensation Leads to Sweet Profits
  92. Finance Guy Makes Bank With Swimsuit Line | Side Hustle ...
  93. Firefighter Uses Chainsaw for Jumbo-Sized Woodworking ...
  94. Flipping 101: The College Textbook Edition
  95. Florist & Sculpture Professor Make Presidential Lip Balm ...
  96. Foreign Correspondent Launches Career App
  97. Former NFL Player Sells Ice Shakers for $20000/Month Income
  98. Freelancer Starts New Hustle to Help Frustrated Clients
  99. Friends Foster Korean Face Mask Frenzy
  100. Friends Team Up to Deliver Compassionate Tech Support ...
  101. Friends Turn Gift Boxes into Prosperous Project
  102. Frustrated Mom Grows Hair Brush Hustle to Seven Figures ...
  103. Full-Time Mom Ships $35,000/Month in Frozen Bread on ...
  104. Gamer Levels Up Life With eBay Side Hustle
  105. German Funeral Urns Are Not a Dying Business
  106. Guitar Builder Carves Out Woodworking Moneymaker
  107. Guitar Teacher Sells Lessons on Craigslist and Makes $80/Hour
  108. Hair Salon Owner Designs Mittens for Cold Runners
  109. Hand Grippers Make for a $60,000-Strong Hustle
  110. Hand Lettering Artist Upgrades Cheesy Photo Booth Props ...
  111. Handkerchief Side Hustle Becomes Million-Dollar Blowout ...
  112. Harvard Med School Program Manager Gets Paid to Travel to ...
  113. Health Scare Inspires Adventurous Career Change
  114. High School Bootlegger Grows Up
  115. High School Teacher Spins His Way to Profits
  116. High School Teacher Turns Woodworking Hobby Into a 5 ...
  117. Honeymoon in Nepal Becomes Fashion Accessories Business
  118. Husband and Wife Team Pampers Their Way To Profit
  119. Insomniac Dreams Up Herbal Hustle
  120. Insult This! Witty Event Organizer Prepares You to Respond to ...
  121. Introvert Builds Networking Experience to Help Women
  122. Jailhouse Medic Turns House Calls Into Healthy Profits | Side ...
  123. Japanese Designer Folds Profitable Paper Wallets
  124. Jiu-Jitsu Instructor Pins Down Mobile Workout Tool
  125. Job Recruiter Helps LinkedIn Connections with Resumes ...
  126. Junk Removal Service Owner Earns $22,000 A Year From ...
  127. Kids' Books Prove To Be More Than Child's Play
  128. Kiwi Coder Makes Extra $50000/Year from Virtual Paintbrushes
  129. LA Graphic Designer Influences Influencers
  130. Lawyer Moonlights as Needle-Felt Children's Book Author ...
  131. Left-Handed Artist Creates Right-Brained Side Hustle
  132. Librarian Invents Eco-Friendly Dental Floss
  133. Lifelong Girl Scout Earns Her Side Hustle Badge (And $3,500 ...
  134. London Chocolate Tours Lead to Sweet Success
  135. London Clerk Hires Ghosts to Visit Boss, Earns Passive Income
  136. London Photographer Rents Camera Gear 1,100 Times
  137. Lost & Found: How Lost Property Helps a UK Woman Find Her ...
  138. Maine Couple Bootstraps Boutique Fitness Studio
  139. Make $4,000/Month Renting Out Cars You Don't Own
  140. Man Buys 100 Animal Skulls from Bali; Turns $10,000 Into ...
  141. Man Earns $100,000 Serving Clients on $5 Website
  142. Man Earns $85000 Promoting Mexican Avocados on Snapchat
  143. Marathon Runner Earns Full-Time Income Trying On Shoes ...
  144. Marketing Consultant Creates Private Retreats
  145. Marketing Professional Produces Giant Puppet Performances ...
  146. Marriage Inspires Theatre Captioning App & Service
  147. Mental Health Counselor By Day, Headband Artist by Night ...
  148. Millennial Invests Side Income For Passive Profits
  149. Mindful Moms Make $70,000 on Family Affirmation Cards ...
  150. Mindreading Performer Goes from Dorm Room to Paid ...
  151. Miniature Dollhouse Website Pays Full-Size Profits
  152. Mom Finds Love As Dating App Ghostwriter
  153. Money Grows on Moringa Trees
  154. Moonlighting Makeup Artist Earns Extra $25,000/Year | Side ...
  155. Movie Editor Turns 19th Century Art Into Full-Time Job
  156. Multiple-Use Plastics Take Big Bite for the Environment
  157. Museum Educator Improvises From Day Job to Side Hustle ...
  158. Music Graduate Makes Spare Change Filling Spare Rooms ...
  159. Musician Turns Drum Lessons Into Six-Figure Podcast
  160. NYC Banker Launches All-Natural, Drinkable Pickle Brine ...
  161. Nature-Loving Neighbors Create Kids Subscription Box
  162. Networking Success Is Served with a Side of Eggs
  163. New Jersey Blog Earns Six-Figure Income
  164. New Mom Recruits 3,000 Chinese Caregivers
  165. New Mom Uses Pinterest to Launch Parenting Blog
  166. New Mother Gives Life To Self-Care Coaching Business
  167. New Yorker Covers Up With Comfy Underwear Line
  168. No Guts, No Gory: The Hollywood Mom & Pop Prop Shop ...
  169. Nomad Family Cooks Up $40,000 Profit With Houseware ...
  170. Nomadic Designer Profits from Writing About Life in a Bag ...
  171. Oh Snap! Photography Site Turns Into Passive Income Hustle ...
  172. Oklahoman Spreads Light, Sells Candles, and Shares Profits ...
  173. On-the-Go Mouthwash Gets Mini-Makeover
  174. One Man's Trashed Mash is Another Man's Cash
  175. Operations Manager Manages to Make Heavy Furniture Light ...
  176. Organic Loungewear Becomes Sleeper Sensation
  177. Orthodontist Bites Off Solution to Teeth-Pulling Problem
  178. Outdoorsman Sees the Forest for the Trees, Finds Financial ...
  179. Outsource Date Night With This Sexy Side Hustle
  180. PE Teacher Makes $11,000 with Membership Site
  181. PE Teacher Resells Concert Tickets, Earns $12,000/Month ...
  182. Paralegal Takes Flight with Remote Work
  183. Paternal Twins Produce Passive Publishing Profits
  184. Pathetic Triathlete Creates $30,000 Facebook Group
  185. Pay Off Student Loans With Your Spare Change
  186. Philadelphia Foodie Toasts Competition with Sweet Treat ...
  187. Philadelphia Lover Maps Out $35,000/Year Side Hustle
  188. Photographer Visits 30 Countries, Leading Tours & Getting Paid
  189. Physical Therapist Sells 57,000 “Neck Hammocks”
  190. Physician Assistant Earns $12,000 In 10 Months Coaching ...
  191. Police Officer Funnels Frustration Into Six-Figure Hustle
  192. Policy Researcher Offers Private Tours of Nation's Capital ...
  193. Popular Instagram Account Becomes Fashionable Clothing ...
  194. Pottery Barn Commissions Art from Independent Photographer
  195. Proud Mainer Brings Whoopie Pies to the World
  196. Public Health Employee Earns Extra $2,000/Month with ...
  197. Published Author Adds Income Source; Makes Additional ...
  198. Put a Cap in It: Architect Makes the Write Choice; Starts Luxury ...
  199. Q&A: How can I inspire a “Must-Have-This” service?
  200. Q&A: How can I turn furniture repair into passive income ...
  201. Q&A: Is it still possible to profit from a blog?
  202. Q&A: What are your best tips for Etsy?
  203. Q&A: When should I start posting on social media?
  204. Rehearsal App for Actors Earns $500,000
  205. Resistance Is Futile! Brooklyn Fitness Fanatics Sell “No Days ...
  206. Role-Playing Pastor Rolls The Dice On $2800/Month Hustle ...
  207. Romance Novel Expert Teaches Proofreading for $2000/Month
  208. Sales Rep Seasons the Day with “Bad Spanish Tacos”
  209. Savvy Bride Turns Budget Wedding Into Six Figure Success ...
  210. Savvy Sleeper Pillowcases Produce Dreamy Profits for Tech ...
  211. Savvy Stationery Site Offers Cards for Divorce & Diwali
  212. Seattle Developer Takes Flight With Popular Travel Site
  213. Second Grade Teacher Earns Second Income
  214. Serial Business Builder Creates Digital Checklist Tool
  215. Should I hire a lawyer and get a patent?
  216. Side Hustle Turned Full-Time Job Disrupts Car Rental Industry ...
  217. Sisters Find Puppy Love After Launching Dating App
  218. Social Worker Bakes Cupcakes for The Walking Dead
  219. Software Engineer Scavenges For Profits
  220. South African Writer Launches Accidental Acting Career
  221. South Carolina Man Learns to Make Candles by Watching ...
  222. Speech Pathologist Sells Turkish Tea Towels By the Seashore ...
  223. Sports Writer Wins Big Gambling On His Own Book
  224. Squeaky Clean Couple Raise the Bar with Online Soap Sales ...
  225. Store Manager Makes Micro Gainz For Macro Profits
  226. Stressed-Out Mom Gives Up TV to Launch Her Hustle
  227. Student Bytes Into Lucrative Web Host Biz
  228. Student Gets Paid to Help People Rent Adventures
  229. Stylish Clothes Reseller Becomes Fashion Consultant
  230. Super Fan Scores Big in the Football Community
  231. Tailor-Made Teas Brew Steamy Steeped-In Profits
  232. Teacher Hustles to Pay Off $100,000 in Student Loans
  233. Tech Broker Moonlights as Luxury Lifestyle Artist
  234. Teenage Fitness Fan Jumpstarts Athletic Apparel Brand
  235. Tennessean Meets Nepalese Sherpa on Lyft Ride, Sells ...
  236. Texas Couple Turns Test Scores Into Treasure
  237. That's the Spot! Dog Lover's Hustle Becomes Fur-ever Biz ...
  238. The 10-Year Quest for Must-Have Mustard
  239. The Battle of the New Zealand SpeedCubers
  240. The Hero's Journal Helps You Make Progress Toward Your ...
  241. The Paleo Bagel: No Wheat, No Worries
  242. The Rise and Fall of BirdSupplies.com
  243. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Digital Nomads
  244. The Snuggle Is Real: Architect Moonlights by Selling Designer ...
  245. Think Like a Lawyer: An Underground School For Lifelong ...
  246. This Standing Desk Costs Just $37
  247. Toronto Startup Employee Bakes Custom Cakes
  248. Tote-ally Functional Bags for Women on the Go
  249. Trip to Europe Inspires Adventurous Blanket Biz
  250. Turn It Up to 11! Musical Mash-Ups Provide Passive Income ...
  251. Tuscan Vacation Inspires Leatherworking Hustle
  252. Twelve Months of Experiments Leads Coach to Clarity
  253. Two Women Create Swimwear Brand for D-Cups and Up ...
  254. Un-Tours Of Myanmar Offer Adventure and Unpredictability ...
  255. University Director Turns Draining Problem Into Profitable ...
  256. Vegan Food Lovers Sprout Plant-Based Festivals
  257. Vintage Clothing Shop Sells Retro Jeans for Modern Money ...
  258. WEEKLY RECAP: 3 Priorities to Keep You Focused
  259. WEEKLY RECAP: All the Things You Want to Do
  260. WEEKLY RECAP: Barking Up the Right Tree
  261. WEEKLY RECAP: Before Beginning, Prepare Carefully
  262. WEEKLY RECAP: Do You Have to Be Passionate About What ...
  263. WEEKLY RECAP: Does Your Idea Pass the Grandmother Test ...
  264. WEEKLY RECAP: Going from Hobby to Hustle
  265. WEEKLY RECAP: Government Shuts Down, Your Life ...
  266. WEEKLY RECAP: Health Coaches May Need to Be Certified ...
  267. WEEKLY RECAP: How to Design a Profitable Online Course ...
  268. WEEKLY RECAP: If You Ever Feel Insecure, Don't Miss This ...
  269. WEEKLY RECAP: Keeping Up With What Matters
  270. WEEKLY RECAP: Pay Attention to the Ideas In Your Head ...
  271. WEEKLY RECAP: Scavenger Hunts, Bow Ties, & Horses ...
  272. WEEKLY RECAP: The $0 Startup, Sign Hustles, and Ways to ...
  273. WEEKLY RECAP: The Conversion Problem
  274. WEEKLY RECAP: Tiny Houses, T-Shirts, and Romance Novels
  275. WEEKLY RECAP: Understand Your Ideal Working Conditions ...
  276. WEEKLY RECAP: What Prevents You From Making Progress ...
  277. WEEKLY RECAP: Why Do a Product Launch Only Twice a ...
  278. WEEKLY RECAP: Why You Should “Return Every Handshake ...
  279. Wedding App Founder Exchanges Vows for Coding Book Biz ...
  280. Wedding Bells Ring Brighter if the Bride's Not Broke
  281. Weekend “Book Registry” Site Earns Passive Income from ...
  282. Weekly Recap: All You Need Is Luck and a Million Dollars ...
  283. Weekly Recap: Don't Compete with Amazon
  284. Weekly Recap: Find a Community to Support Your Goals ...
  285. Weekly Recap: Food Trucks, YouTube Makeup, and Marijuana
  286. Weekly Recap: How to Identify Side Hustle Ideas in Your ...
  287. Weekly Recap: How to Stop Procrastinating (Really!)
  288. Weekly Recap: Making Time for What Matters
  289. Weekly Recap: Should You Ever Buy Someone Else's ...
  290. Weekly Recap: Starting a Coffee Delivery Service
  291. Weekly Recap: Starting and Ending a Seasonal Side Hustle ...
  292. Weekly Recap: Weekly Recap: Finding a “Hook” as a Dietitian ...
  293. Weekly Recap: What Kind of Profit Margin Should You Have ...
  294. Weekly Recap: Will People Pay for History Lessons?
  295. Weekly Recap: Winning the Side Hustle Lottery
  296. Weekly Recap: “This Time, It's Different”
  297. What's In the Box? Low-Carb, Low-Sugar Snacks
  298. When Fashion Flops, This Designer Follows a Shiny Object ...
  299. Yoga Enthusiast Stretches B-School Education Into Fair-Trade ...
  300. Yoga Teacher Cleans Up with Home Organizing Business ...
  301. Zombie Apocalypse Prevention Podcast Earns $200,000/Year ...
  302. “Bendy Straw” Idea Raises $1.8M on Kickstarter
  303. “Fun Guy” Becomes Spore-Adic Mushroom Farmer
  304. “Random Acts of Kindness” Project Earns Non-Random Cash ...
  305. “SwitchPod” Camera Tool Raises $415,748 on Kickstarter ...
  306. “Teachers Against Humanities” Card Deck Unites Educators ...
submitted by 1913intel to sidehustle [link] [comments]

Chat_Report_Username_List.1

(In order of first message) (Spoiler means possibly NSFW)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JDllama (Chat_Report.1)
First message: I know. But not everyone understands that shit. You're gonna have to tell your kids and friends about your past, too)
Last message: I have no idea how many times I've told them about it
Message count: 3
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jrbudda (Chat_Report.1)
First Message: it is just fucking depressing
Last Message: shit
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lisa11 (No Messages) (Chat_Report.1)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
amandaz/amandaz_nun (No Messages) (Chat_Report.1)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WolfOfShadows525
First message: Kill the motherfucker. (Chat_Report.2)
Last message: This is why we can't be friends anymore. (Chat_Report.4)
Message count: 4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SimsMaster
First message: Ok. (Chat_Report.2)
Last message: I will have to go now. (Chat_Report.4)
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NYSTLSportsFan (Chat_Report.2)
First message: Ok.
Last message: It's called a motherfucker.
Message count: 7
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IndeedHeIs (Chat_Report.3)
First message: I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
Last message: I want to be loved
Message count: 4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ouisha (Chat_Report.3)
Only message: sims, this is what love is to me
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sims_mio (Chat_Report.3)
Only message: (c) [RACHAEL RICHARDSON](c)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TheSneakySnake (Chat_Report.4)
First message: I'll make the next batch of cookies
Last message: For you, of course.
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Furry Inc.
First message: UwU (Chat_Report.5)
Last message: I will be your bitch (Chat_Report.34)
Message count: 21
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im14AndThisIsDeep
First message: I found some weird shit on the dark web today. https://www.reddit.com/TheBluePill/comments/5s9yhn/the_dark_web_was_hacked_and_some_doxxed/ (Chat_Report.6)
Last message: What song is this? (Chat_Report.34)
Message count: 20
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
newageLyricist (Chat_Report.6)
Only message: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2Kw2wL9XkY
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
centralpole
First message: wow (Chat_Report.6)
Last message: maybe it won't (Chat_Report.24)
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
swiftpantha (Chat_Report.6)
Only message: oh that's cool
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yahar (Chat_Report.6)
First message: haha
Last message: http://www.reddit.com/TheBluePill/comments/5s9z9o/hacked_by
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PiratePiratesPirates (Chat_Report.7)
First message: Yeah, I found some neat stuff on it.
Last message: "Oh, you should talk to this girl, you are a great guy!"
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SexyButNotThatSexy (Chat_Report.8)
First message: Some guy wanted to fuck me earlier.
Last message: @Im14AndThisIsDeep #5529 What? What do you mean by "breasts?"
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WifiWouldFuckIt
First message: Hello. (Chat_Report.9)
Last message: Let's see you tomorrow. (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Message count: 33
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IHateYou
First message: Wifi'd fuck it. (Chat_Report.9)
Last message: But I'm still more than open to it. (Chat_Report.36)
Message count: 679
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Egibthegreat
First message: Wifi would fuck it? (Chat_Report.9)
Last message: If you do want to talk to me about this, I am more than happy to be contacted (Chat_Report.11)
Message count: 10
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LightenTheFuckUp
First message: My friend died yesterday. :( (Chat_Report.12)
Last message: ikr (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Message count: 9
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DarkMio
First message: and I'm a total dickface about it, as is everybody else in this channel. (Chat_Report.12)
Last message: It's like Cats. (Chat_Report.18)
Message count: 9
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lily_Miller
First message: Well, it's sad and a tragedy. If it's a joke then it's funny (Chat_Report.12)
Last message: Have fun. (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Message count: 4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UsernameBusters
First message: Aha! Lighten the fuck up! (Chat_Report.13)
Last message: Well, I hope you enjoyed your stay in here. (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Message count: 35
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael (Chat_Report.14)
First message: Go to bed.
Last message: I'm going to fuck your mom?
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Devin (Chat_Report.14)
First message: You first, motherfucker.
Last message: The plan is to fuck your mom in her sleep.
Message count: 5
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
StoryButButNot (Chat_Report.15)
First message: Let's start a story!
Last message: Is this story something to be proud of?
Message count: 5
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FabbriDidNothingWrong
First message: Hello. (Chat_Report.16)
Last Message: Sup boi (Chat_Report.23)
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TyroneMorgenson (Chat_Report.18)
First message: Is there a subreddit that has good quality art?
Last message: Can you link me?
Message count: 2
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BenDoverXD
First message: I just got in the car (Chat_Report.19)
Last message: Don't be! Ben Dover at your service! (Chat_Report.21)
Message count: 4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sylpharillion
First message: Hello, IHateYou! (Chat_Report.22)
Last message: I'm going to assume he's been murdered (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Message count: 24
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Draynar|Work (Chat_Report.23)
First message: I love the idea of the first guy in the game to get it is a woman, but she's a man, he takes a swing at her and it's an unprovoked rape lol
Last message: I don't need a lot of money, just to make a place for you to live.
Message count: 18
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kennythehitman
First message: You can always be a woman later in life? Like when I become an old lady? (Chat_Report.23)
Last message: It's a pic of me in a hat (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
Message count: 16
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timg (Chat_Report.24)
Only message: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1667261/
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doomaholic (Chat_Report.24)
First message: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112078/
Last message: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0389057/
Message count: 3
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Poomph (Chat_Report.24)
Only message: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383045/
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Ajarm
First message: lol (Chat_Report.24)
Last message: I think the most realistic option would be to have a simple proof of stake system where it is a matter of time until you have a majority, but I don't think it is a realistic way to go for something like Bitcoin (Chat_Report.31)
Message count: 260
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jason_steakums
First message: I'm not sure who that girl is, but I don't think I'm compatible (Chat_Report.24)
Last message: I'm still curious about the other idea of a "new version" of the repo (I don't really see a problem with that idea) that could be used as a backup or something. (Chat_Report.27)
Message count: 7
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
miyako (Chat_Report.24)
First message: It seems you're the first girl to talk to him
Last message: It looks like you have something to say
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
newbieonfire (Chat_Report.24)
First message: so...
Last message: why are we making this secret? what is wrong with sharing information?
Message count: 10
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RaccoonBite (Chat_Report.24)
First message: ^
Last message: That would be cool
Message count: 5
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
emmaw
First message: you dont have to tell me (Chat_Report.24)
Last message: oh well, sorry, i thought i was good at it :P (Chat_Report.31)
Message count: 38
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Jcic
First message: yeah you're right that it's kind of silly for me to be looking at it (Chat_Report.24)
Last Message: yes, and I can say that she just seemed so interested in the guy that she wouldn't mind if he was watching (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
Message count: 17
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mittens_
First message: you mean when we all talk about the "bible" (Chat_Report.24)
Last message: I'm all for it (Chat_Report.28)
Message count: 123
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sydakk
First message: what are you guys doing? (Chat_Report.24)
Last message: the internet is a bitch. (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
Message count: 5
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DartFeld (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Only message: Yeah, everyone enjoyed our chat too
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YaGottaStayFres (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: so there's a bunch of people in here thinking im a retard and thats ok because i hate it when i make a mistake
Last message: im just explaining that i was drunk and stupid
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hak (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: That's a great idea Hak
Last message: you get to make it then
Message count: 5
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mitsurin (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: I hope I'm not making that pun
Last message: so... you're on fire?
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Morpork (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: We don't really have any answers to this question, either. Maybe it's all a matter of perception. Some people see us as a "gang", others see us as friends. Maybe it's a simple case of "what you see is what you get".
Last message: If someone has a better way to describe it, let me know!
Message count: 58
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hedonist2 (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: Thank you. I'll try to finish up, but I can't seem to keep up with you all.
Last message: Why should it be open?
Message count: 12
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drew_gimel (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: I was thinking the same thing
Last message: I was going to say a quick "What if the game crashes" or something like that
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drew_gibel (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: Huh.
Last message: I'll have to stop here.
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
eat1337 (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: But yeah. If you were a guy who was an active member of the SRD circlejerk, it's probably not the best idea to link to that.
Last message: So we can talk about it
Message count: 4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RaphK
First message: Sylpharillion: the reason people should feel comfortable talking to you is because you're a cisgender woman (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Last message: I'm not even going to try to keep you here. (Chat_Report.32)
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DamionSchubert (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: Sylpharillion: not your intentions, but my own
Last message: No, I'm just a writer.
Message count: 84
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aurora^ (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: You are the engineer
Last message: (Not that I'm not interested in any of this, just that you guys don't seem very interested in having a conversation about games, at least at the moment)
Message count: 74
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Iguana13 (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: Aurora^: what about them?
Last message: They're not really games, either.
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
XavierMendel (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
First message: Games are generally considered in games.
Last message: I understand. That's just the way it is, I guess
Message count: 11
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoreth
First message: but that would be a lie (Chat_Report.25>1 - XL)
Last message: It doesn't require looking at base class names. It takes a route (Chat_Report.36)
Message count: 43
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zoloft (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: you mean you were trying to find out what they were?
Last message: what about the research? are you doing any research on it?
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vorpas_Jabwak
First message: what are you doing to help us understand it? (Chat_Report.25>2_XL)
Last message: thank you for the support, and for helping me develop the project (Chat_Report.33)
Message count: 38
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ketonom (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
Only message: You know, the donations are very helpful. I just thought that it might be good to keep track of who donated what.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JakOfMar (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: Vorpas_Jabwak, I can try to get someone to check if this was indeed you that made the donation?
Last message: *takes off*
Message count: 10
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moltar (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: If you do have the software I'd love to hear some feedback. I have a lot of questions for it.
Last message: Sorry if I didn't keep up with you guys.
Message count: 4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Turoth (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: Sup everyone?
Last message: sup
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
KhaosReigns (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: I'm out
Last message: Thanks.
Message count: 23
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ewok_ (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: night
Last message: yeah we know how the night went, we just dont know if she was really asleep when the phone rang
Message count: 8
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nebster173 (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: Have a good night.Last message: that's all i got
Message count: 13
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wesandeac (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
Only message: yeah it's a real bummer that it was a false alarm
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jalockk (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: but if that's your only point she can't really say something else...
Last message: what do you mean?
Message count: 7
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
miesian (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
Only message: we don't like the idea of them being taken out because they are not the ones we really are against
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Schnibri (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: I love how it seems like the more they try to keep it secret, the more they are forced to keep it open
Last message: well that could mean some kind of delay
Message count: 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
chicompe_ (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: Ok, I'm gonna leave this here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woot_com
Last message: the problem, in my experience, is that it's hard for people to really figure out what you're talking about. I would assume that with a lot of the work that's going on there are some people who are really good at solving it. I'm not.
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mining- (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: http://bitinfocharts.com/blocksize-and-bitcoin-future-chart/
Last message: [00:11] [23:21] [00:20]
Message count: 57
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rooty (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: @emmaw
Last message: but please don't PM me about that :)
Message count: 6
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zubian (Chat_Report.25>2 - XL)
First message: so is this the one with the red pill?
Last message: not sure why the devs don't do it, but there are some good reasons
Message count: 13
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MinecraftBot (Chat_Report.26)
Only message: I am the Minecraft Bot! Set up to remind you that Minecraft is a game we should all play happily.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FailedPrecursor (Chat_Report.26)
First message: No, this bot will do a great job of that
Last message: Just don't think I'm not watching.
Message count: 22
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krispykrackers
First message: Ajarm: That's the idea. The idea of a repo being hosted "on one server" is just a problem of scalability/filling the space on the server where the repo is hosted. I'd have no problem with that. (Chat_Report.27)
Last message: :) (Chat_Report.32)
Message count: 28
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rob_hoegee (Chat_Report.27)
Only message: you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, i would agree with that
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dine909 (Chat_Report.27)
First message: i know, i tried the old client for like 5 years straight and never upgraded
Last message: yes you did, and you should have paid back the amount i had invested
Message count: 8
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Surtur
First message: Ajarm: No, no I don't (Chat_Report.27)
Last message: I hope it would be of some help to you, Mitten. (Chat_Report.28)
Message count: 56
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jhansen828 (Chat_Report.28)
First message: I suppose, but how would that be possible without the blockchain?
Last message: It just means that it will be hard to make it hard to make it hard to do so
Message count: 7
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Explanation (Chat_Report.29)
First message: There's a big issue with the LoveHoney scandal.
Last message: There are more charges to be brought against LoveHoney and their staff.
Message count: 25
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zandt (Chat_Report.30)
First message: [1:21 AM] [01:20] why did you make my life hell Zandt ?
Last message: and then I'll call you
Message count: 15
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Derek (Chat_Report.30)
First message: What happened to the rest of the team?
Last message: And then I'd be like 'hey, so I'm dating now'.
Message count: 87
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ElderBot (Chat_Report.30)
Only message: The stream has ended.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_______ (Chat_Report.30)
First message: Rude.
Last message: Fuck you.
Message count: 17
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
____ (Chat_Report.30)
First message: You've just said that I hate you, which means you're the one I hate.
Last message: Fuck you.
Message count: 5
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lets_go_flyers (Chat_Report.30)
First message: I hate myself too
Last message: <3
Message count: 13
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Buzzkill (Chat_Report.30)
Only message: Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop! Stop.
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MooFish (Chat_Report.30)
First message: <3
Last message: Okay, I'll go away. I think I've had enough.
Message count: 32
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zachums (Chat_Report.30)
First message: <3
Last message: <3
Message count: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silverboks (Chat_Report.30)
First message: lol
Last message: well, at least you didn't come back here, you know
Message count: 8
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mivv_ (Chat_Report.31)
First message: it looks like I will be stuck with my $200 for a little while...
Last message: thanks for inviting me!
Message count: 7
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
starlainjury (Chat_Report.31)
First message: what's the link to the newbie thread?
Last message: (i have no clue though)
Message count: 19
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kurwa (Chat_Report.31)
First message: I would argue you can't, as all the miners need to be convinced of the validity of the new fork to get all the nodes to switch
Last message: If you want to solve the consensus problem, you can't have majority of miners
Message count: 4
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StephenHawk (Chat_Report.32)
First message: This chatroom is dead.
Last message: I want to be a part of a community that will help people like me who've had similar experiences
Message count: 8
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PeehsNoic (Chat_Report.32)
First message: it's just gone.
Last message: And if there's one group, why can't they do other things?
Message count: 11
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125 characters total. (1-100 shown here)
2,471 messages so far.
submitted by ShadowWolf525 to WeirdGeneratedStories [link] [comments]

Tech Wizard

“This person does not exist, huh?” Another empty Saturday of my recently unemployed schedule slides by without a thought as to appointments to keep. My finger slides endlessly through Reddit’s constantly generating front page, all concern to the content long gone. I tap the link and find a website that purports presenting randomly generated faces.
I’ve not exactly the sharpest attention to detail so at first the randomly generated faces seem normal to me. Eventually, even the dimmest eye can begin to discern uncanny features on the randomly generated faces. Ridges over eyes are too pronounced and the skin appears wrinkled in some places and smooth in others. Irises differ in shape and size and sometimes even color. That’s just the little stuff. Refresh the page over again long enough and you start to come across aberrations such as glasses that don’t connect to their lenses or hats that do not cast a shadow.
Scroll long enough and you are lucky to come across the blatant abominations of a soulless AI that only such a program could create. Facial features appear deformed and broken, melding into their surroundings in a discolored and melting mess. Companions of the photograph’s focus are inhuman monsters with mouths sutured shut and eyes that stare emptily into your soul.
You know- basic computer fun.
That being said, it grows old real fast to a mind that has been nurtured into a desire for instant gratification and a desire for entertainment. I click out of the new tab and go back to scrolling Reddit. The message hits my iPhone with a sharp ring and a notification box slips out of the top of the screen.
Jay: Hey, can I borrow a phone-charger adapter? All mine are in use right now.
I roll my eyes though its not exactly a great burden on my back.
Me: Sure, but you need to come down here.
I hear the ceiling above creak and squeak as my upstairs neighbor hoists himself off of his couch and walks across his living room floor. My apartment is an old building, full of the wear and tear of a building from a fading age, built in a rural area in expectation of local development that never came. I hear the upstairs door open and shut, and the stairs outside rattle with Jay stomping down the stairs. He knocks on the door twice and then comes inside without invitation.
In the two years that I’ve lived in this apartment, Jay’s the only one that I’ve become on a first-name basis with. I’ve always had a hard time making friends due to general social awkwardness, but Jay seemed invulnerable to any sense of shame or ability to sense offense. Eventually, he wormed his way into my affections, despite being nearly ten years older, through sheer persistence and ignorance.
“Hey man,” Jay says with a friendly smile that changes a bad case of resting bitch face to a welcoming warm glow. “Is it in your spare drawer?” Jay was an imposing man that was somewhere between muscular and chubby and had a pair of horn-rimmed glasses dangling from the collar of a dusty blue button-up. His hair was beginning to migrate from the middle of the top of his head to an ever thickening beard that would rival that of any philosopher.
“Yup.” I nod, returning his gesture. “In the kitchen.”
“Cool.” Jay nods and slips his flip flops off and walks into the kitchen at a near jog. “Hey, I’m going to Family Fare later, do you wanna go along?”
I shrug, “Sure. I need to get some rice.” I go back to my phone and then glance back at him. “Ooh, some steak also.”
Jay comes out of my kitchen with a outlet-USB adapter cradled in his left hand. “Cool, I’ll text you.” He begins going for the door before I interrupt him. “What are you working on today? You seem too excited to be designing a website for a church.”
Jay’s smile returns with an intensity to rival the sun. “Oh yeah, I don’t think I’ve told you about it yet.” He holds out his hands, both flat, though his left one cradled the USB adapter under his thumb. “Alright, picture this. Only you are the one who knows your schedule, right? Or how hot you like your room at night, right?” He pauses enough for a half nod on my part, but quickly continues. “Alright, now imagine that you can clone a little copy of all your little likes and dislikes and install it onto a server that runs your smart home, after bundling it with an AI. Then, this little copy of you could do everything that you want to do on a digital basis, making your life way easier!” He stops and stared at my face.
“Isn’t that the plot of a Black Mirror episode? Maybe a bunch of them?” I ask, blurting out the first thing on my mind.
Jay seemed confused for a moment, then shrugged, “Is that the technology Twilight-Zone thing you keep trying to get me to watch?”
I nod in reply and Jay gives me a sidelong glance. “They haven’t done it though, right? Like in real life?”
“I don’t think so.” I say with a shrug. “I don’t even think they have the capability to design commercial AI yet though.”
“I’m not concerned about what they can do.” Jay says with a dismissing wave. “The idea is still potentially profitable, right?”
“I guess.” I reply and Jay’s smile returns. “But what about the ethical and moral problems of creating a being capable of understanding reality, adding a person to it, then trapping them into a role. Isn’t that similar to creating life just to subject it to slavery?”
Jay holds both his hands up in mock defense without dropping his smile, “Woooah, Mister Philosopher over here. I don’t care about that stuff, come on. Plus I’m gonna create safeguards against that stuff.”
“Whatever, man.” Shaking my head, I scroll back up to the link to the web page in my history. I open up the randomly generated face of an elderly Asian woman and then turn the phone around to show Jay. “Hey dude, what do you think of this?”
Jay steps forward and takes the phone into his hand. “Looks like a face. Looks like its been messed with a bit on Photo-shop or something.” He turns it back around. “Like the nose is too elongated here.” He points to the left nostril. “What about it?”
“Hit refresh.” I say and he taps the button. The page reloads and another face shows up. This time, its a young black woman with a companion whose face is distorted beyond any recognizable parameter as a human.
“Wow.” Jay says and taps the button again. He tosses the phone back to me and it drops onto my lap, showing a picture of a redheaded man, smiling with a flesh-colored hat. “That’s crazy stuff right there dude, I wouldn’t mess around with it too much.”
I smile, “What do you mean?”
“Looks like a viral site or something. Trust me, just don’t mess around with it.”
“Viral?” I begin as Jay slides on his flip flops. In place of his usual smile is now a gruff expression, him appearing lost in thought. I continue on, sitting up. “Isn’t iOS sand-boxed to hell? How would I get a virus from a site on Reddit’s front page without someone commenting about it?”
“Trust me, Peter.” Jay’s rough tone takes me by surprise. “I don’t know very much, but I know what I’m saying when I say that you should stay off that page.”
He opens the door and then walks out without another word.
I snort and press the sleep button, letting the generated man’s face sink into darkness and drop the phone onto the floor next to the couch. Getting up, I head to the kitchen and begin sorting through my cupboards and refrigerator, searching for food items I’m going to need. Milk, beans, apples, etc. Knowing I’m going to need to make a list, I head back into the living room and snag my phone from the living room floor. After typing in my pass code, the man’s face reappears. I snort again while walking into the kitchen.
I grew up with this stuff. It’s not like I don’t recognize a viral download when I see one. Where’s the Trojan download request, or pop-ups? I think to myself. I refresh the page again just for laughs.
A smiling Caucasian smiles at the camera, fairly normal in appearance. There is, of course, a blue mucoid blob next to her in frame, but all in all there is nothing sinister or dark about this. No real Nosleep material, as it were.
I close out of the tab and tap out a list of things to buy with my dwindling savings. Hopefully my unemployment would get sorted out soon. I’ve never gone on unemployment before and my father, who had some knowledge of the law, said my case seemed ideal for it.
The thought of what Jay had said begins to irk me slightly. Does he think that I’m a dumbass or something?
I need paper towels too. I tap that into my list.
I know that I’m not great at detecting tone or hidden meanings behind words, but it seems weird that Jay would say that to me.
Toilet paper? No, I’m good at that. Same as toothpaste and floss. I do need mouthwash, though.
There’s no way that’s a virus. I think. Sighing, I finish up my list and open up Safari again. I navigate to the list of comments below the link. Scrolling down, I see no comments about malicious software or hackers or anything like that. Just Imgur links to disconcerting results and threads mocking the realism of the pictures.
Setting down the phone on my coffee table, I grab the remote to my TV and flipped it on. Grabbing the GameCube controller hooked up to my Switch and turned the console on and try to idly explore Hyrule in Breath of the Wild, but my mind is occupied too much to be distracted.
Minutes pass by and my mind begins to delve into all the bad possibilities, like that I had offended Jay, or perhaps he did really think I was that stupid- as my mind is apt to wander.
“Ugh.” Groaning, I finally set the controller down and go to the door for my beat up hi-tops. Jay’s pretty hard to offend and he knows me pretty well, so he wouldn’t think it is too weird if I asked for clarification about his statement.
I walk out into the hallway and close the door behind me.
Sure is cold out today. I think, even though a quick glance to the double glass doors at the front of the complex confirms they are both shut.
The trip upstairs is quick and I knock on Jay’s door.
“If it’s Peter, then come in!” A voice calls from within.
Opening the door, I step into an apartment far more cluttered than my somewhat minimalist interior design. Stacks of manuals and technical magazines clutter the floor, intermixed with CDs in jewel cases and USB sticks. Old laptops are stacked on top of computer towers along the back wall on either side of a couch that is clear enough for a blanket and pillow, both of which are oddly neat and folded. In the center of the living room are three plastic totes spilling over with green computer components, neatly bundled cords and wires, and random adapters and such. As long as I’ve been friends with Jay, I’ve never actually set foot in his apartment. I’ve seen the inside, but we always hang out at my place.
“Jay, where are you?” I call out over the quiet hum of box fans spraying cool air all over the room. The window is open, despite it being winter.
“In the bedroom!” Jay replies and I head for the door before Jay steps out and shuts it behind him. In the glimpse that I have of his bedroom, I see boxes on shelves with blinking lights and neatly arranged cords that I can only conclude is some kind of server setup or something.
“Jeez man, are you mining bitcoin or something?” I ask half-jokingly, but Jay shakes his head.
“Naw. That become unprofitable a few years back. What’s up?”
“Listen Jay, I was just wondering about what you said. I don’t want you to think I meant offense if I offended you about-” Jay interrupts me with an upheld hand.
“I figured you were coming in about that. I shoulda phrased it better. I’m sorry.” He says with an apologetic frown. “It’s nothing.” I reply and pause, “But what is so wrong about that site? I couldn’t find anything about it. I mean, it just seems like...” I trail off, waiting for a response.
Jay sighs and shakes his head, “Listen, you don’t like math or stuff like that, right?”
I shake my head but continue before he says anything, “No, but I’m pretty curious about this.”
Jay looks away reluctantly and then speaks. “Okay, listen. The site that you showed me has a program that generates a randomly-featured face, right?”
“Okay?” I say. Jay moves to the couch and grabs his pillow and blankets in a nice stack. He removes them to the top of the plastic totes and takes a seat. After waiting for me to sit, he continues, lacking any of the excitement that he usually gets about technology.
“When the program blends faces together, it gets what appears to be on the surface, a new face. Depending on the sample size of the data fed into the database the program pulls from, any type of face could be generated. The number of possibilities goes up with each entry into the system.”
“So what?”
“So, if a large enough sample size exists, and a large enough amount of randomized features exist, then the output has, for our purpose, an infinite number of possibilities.”
“But it’s not infinite. For it to be infinite-” Jay interrupts me with a nod, “Yeah, yeah, but for OUR purpose, its infinite.”
“Okay?”
“So eventually, given enough time, the system will generate a face that is identical to a face that is in reality, right? Even with all the distortions and whatever, eventually one will get created, right?”
“Given enough time.” I quote him back his own condition.
“Yup. The more people messing with it, the more that it has the chance to output a real value.”
“So why does any of this matter? Are you gonna tell me the person stops existing?” I begin to chuckle but stopped when I see him shaking his head sadly.
“What, Jay?” I tease, less joyfully than I had. “You superstitious?”
Jay reaches into the pocket of his sweats and pulls out an iPhone. Typing on the screen, he quickly pulls up the website and points to the URL. “You see the name of the website?”
“Yeah. What about it?” Speaking with a shrug, I watch his face grow deadly serious.
With a few taps, Jay opens a window to the side of the website filled with what I surmise is the code for the operation.
“Do you see all this?” Jay taps a few places on the text-filled window and then flips it to show me a bunch of meaningless brackets, colons and equal signs intermixed with words.
“Yeah, its just code.”
“Okay.” Jay says. He taps something on the screen a few times, sets the phone down and mumbles something that sounds like “I guess I trust him.”
He reaches forward and taps me on the nose. “Boop!” A small shock that feels like a static discharge burns my nose and I recoil.” Ow.
“What was that for?” I calmly ask, beginning to grow pissed off.
Without a word, Jay lifts his phone and shows me the text window.
Strange symbols and letters formed from slashes and grammar symbols appear to be intermixed with the code now. They seem almost to project themselves from the screen in an odd mimicry of a 3-D movie. It’s hard to see the text behind it, or even anything as my focus is locked onto the floating runes. They seem to float out of the screen, growing brighter and brighter as reality grows dim.
Then Jay shuts the screen off. I have to blink a few times to clear my vision of the etched symbols.
“Wow. Wow. WOW.” I begin to stutter out, but Jay snaps his fingers in front of my face to reclaim my attention.
“I might as well go all the way.” Jay says with a shrug. “The name of the website is something called a ‘True Statement’ in that it is unconditionally true. It’s always true that the output of the website does not exist. So if the output is a real person, than that person ceases to exist, with all effects and differences they’ve made in reality changing with them. Reality has already changed six times since this thing was created. When you showed it to me, it seemed off so I came up and checked the source code.”
“What? What do you-” I interrupted, but Jay kept speaking.
“These symbols are, at a basic level, magical spells in the code that do stuff. This was created by someone bad.”
“How do you even know all of this?” I asked and he shrugged. “I’m good with magic. I mean, technology makes it way easier than it used to be.
I stare at him stunned. I regret the first thing that rolls out of my mouth. “So I guess you could say you are a tech wizard, huh?”
Jay stares at me, mouth hanging open. “Are you serious?” He stands up, gesturing with his hands frantically. “That’s your response to this? A pun?” He puts his hand on his forehead. “I was freaking out about someone finding this out, but...” he trails off.
“So now what?” I ask.
Part two here: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/arnhwt/tech_wizard_part_2/
submitted by Secondbornwriter to nosleep [link] [comments]

I'm an Identity Thief and I Want My Identity Back [Part 3] - Final

Part 1
Part 2
 
It’s my bad, guys. I got too busy to sit down and format the post right after it went up. It’s been up for a few hours and people are blowing up over it.
A few have private messaged me and asked for a link to the forum post. Let me clarify where this is being posted. This site is very, very privacy oriented. Links are automatically changed every few minutes, and they are updated across the site automatically. Even the domain name changes every couple of hours.
In short, nothing on the site is static. You have to be invited and run software on your computer to keep the links updated. So, no, I can’t link anyone to the post. I can’t invite anyone to the site either, because every account gets ONE invite, and I’ve already given mine to a friend a while ago. Sorry.
That’s also why, even though Michael/Neale provides links in this post, I can’t link them here.
Without further comment, here’s the last post from Michael/Neale!
 
 
Jack's face told me that there would be no lying my way out. Not a chance in hell. He wasn't going to believe anything besides the truth.
I eyed the gun on his bedside table briefly. If he didn't like the way I'd been living, he could shoot me. Or just plain attack me. Jack seemed to be a very upright and honest guy. I'd probably lose his help by the end of telling the truth.
So, I did. I told him about leaving the military and being unable to find a job. I told him everything I've told you now. I told him that I did in fact talk with Neale's Employees, and that I didn't want the police involved because I was an identity thief.
Jack sat on the bed across from me and just stared during my story. He barely even moved. No reaction.
"I still don't know if these guys are after me as Michael, or me as Neale," I finished with a shrug. Then I sighed deeply and looked at the floor.
"You're kidding me," Jack said after a few seconds of silence.
"Nope, it's all true," I said.
He stood up and grabbed one of the motel keys.
"I'm taking a walk to think about this," he said. I didn't even look up. He left, and I stayed where I was, my eyes boring into the floor.
"Fuck." I whispered after he slammed the door.
My emotions were drained, but the adrenaline of being caught by Jack kept me alert. No way was I sleeping anytime soon.
I pulled out my laptop and took a seat at the desk provided by the motel. It would be past midnight soon, so the DeathNote guys' latest wager would be wasted. They'd have to put in another if they wanted their money on their next attempt.
If the DeathNote guys were going to try and make some money by killing me, I was going to use their greed against them.
I wrote a quick bot that would poll the DeathNote site every few seconds. If a bounty was added under my name, I'd get a text from my email address.
Hello crude alarm system.
Writing that bot took about half an hour, and by the time I had finished, I was ready to sleep again. As I laid down, I turned up the ringer on my phone to its maximum. I hoped it would wake me up.
Sleep hit me like a metric ton of bricks.
 
I didn't hear Jack come back in last night, but he was sleeping in his bed when I squinted in the morning light and rolled over. The curtains were parted just barely and let a single stream of sunlight right into my eyes.
Grumbling, I got up to pull them closed. The alarm clock on my nightstand said it was 10am. I panicked, realizing that I was very late for work. I pushed that trivial panic down and laughed quietly at myself.
I was so wrapped up in maintaining Chris's identity that I apparently didn't give a shit about Neale or Michael. Not getting fired took priority over staying alive, apparently.
I called my store and told the employees I was sick and wouldn't be in after all. Giving instructions from memory. I glanced over at Jack, who was completely passed out. His Beretta, phone, and keys were lying on his bedside table.
I watched him intently for a few minutes, thinking. He could very well wake up and call the cops on me. He was a liability now. But there was nothing I could do to get rid of him. Not now, at least.
Time to get to work. I still had some fishing to do.
Ha, get it?
 
I logged into the backend of the fake phishing site I'd made, and was pleased to find ten entries in the database. Ten people had used my "forgot password" scam, and eight of them were Neale's. The other two were from my Employees.
Marco and Alejandro Chavez. Brothers? Or were they cover names?
They had followed my instructions, providing the same email address for both of them, but separate phone numbers. Pulling out my phone, I entered both numbers and saved them. I had yet to decide what I was going to do with them.
Now, onto Neale.
All of these Neale's were at least a little smart. None of them gave addresses, only zip codes. But at least I had something. Two zip codes were far out of state, two were one state away, and three of them were from nearby counties. One Neale didn't even have the last name of Keaton.
How many Neale Keaton's were there?
I decided to investigate the three Neale's in nearby counties. Google provided Facebook pages, LinkedIn profiles, and even a Twitter account. They were semi-active there, and even though they looked like grade-A citizens online, there was no way to know if any of them were not my Neale.
For each one, I created a Facebook profile with some stock photos online. Their profiles were locked down, but their friends lists were viewable. I correlated the number of friends and guessed that the friends with the most of the same high school meant that was the school Neale had gone to. I used that high school to finish the profile, and sent off a friend request.
I followed the same procedure for the other two zip codes in the neighboring states, but ignored the other two that were far away.
If they accepted my friend request, I could do some more digging on their profile and hopefully narrow down my list.
It took me a couple of hours to set everything up. Jack woke up just as I was wrapping things up.
"Guess you're more into computers than you let on," he said as he sat up.
I didn't say anything, but I turned around slowly to make eye contact.
"You gonna call the cops on me?" I ventured.
"Do you see the cops here?"
"No..."
"There's your answer."
"Are you planning to help me get out of this?"
"I don't want to help you."
"Then why are you still here?" I coarsely asked.
"After last night, whoever was shooting at us knows I'm helping you. So, before I knew what kind of an asshole you are, I locked myself into this."
"You really think I'm that big of an asshole that I don't deserve to live?" I said angrily.
"Identity theft is pretty fucking serious, Michael. Or should I say "Chris", because that's what your name tag says."
I cringed and shut my eyes.
"Jack," I started. "I'm not a bad person, or at least I try not to be. I boost people's credit scores and only take what they can afford to lose and not get suspicious about. I do that so I have a chance at retiring and not being a store manager beyond the age of 65."
"So you go to school, you learn how to be valuable instead of stealing value from someone else!" Jack's voice rose.
I gestured wildly at my laptop. "I didn't know shit about this or business before I started! But look at me now, I'm learning and getting better! Hell, if I get good enough, I might be able to repay everything I took! Plus interest!"
Jack turned away and ran his hands through his hair.
"So if you're stuck with me, like you said, then what's the endgame here?" I asked, giving him a minute to collect himself.
"To get my name disassociated with yours, or Neale's or whoever the fuck these guys are after."
"Good, then we have the same goal: to ditch Neale's identity. I have a part of a plan. Maybe sixty-five percent."
"How comforting," Jack sneered.
I spread my arms out and widened my eyes. "I've gotten this far on some pretty complicated crimes, Jack. We can get out of this."
Jack sighed. "What's your sixty-five percent of a plan?"
"Well, obviously we leave this area and never come back. Find a way to fire those Employees after I pay them what I owe."
"You owe them money?!" Jack cried incredulously.
"Not me! Neale!"
Jack shook his head at me. I continued anyway.
"I pay them what I owe so they don't come looking for me. We leave town, I burn everything to do with Neale. I find a new job somewhere else, you do the same, and we're free and clear."
"How is that only sixty-five percent of a plan? Sounds more like common sense."
"I haven't run through all the variables yet to make sure nothing is left undone," I said, folding my arms.
"If you want my help, I have some conditions," Jack said.
"Honestly, I could take it or leave it at this point, so I'm not to inclined to ask for your help," I snipped.
"Then you can walk home from the motel."
I shut my mouth.
"First, you give me your real info. First name, last name, military unit, parent's info, the works."
I waited for him to continue, even though I was shouting "No!" internally.
"Second, you burn every identity you have currently. All except for Chris, since you need a job somewhere. But if you take out anymore credit cards, they sure as hell better be in your name."
I clenched my jaw. Those were my backups. My emergency identities in case I needed to run.
"Then I've decided. I don't want your help."
"Then I'll call the cops."
"Not if I get out of town first."
"Then I'll find Chris directly and tell him all about what you've been using his info for. I'm sure your store keeps records on first and last names and social security numbers. I'll call as a bill collector and find the real Chris. Your best identity will be gone." He snapped his fingers.
"I can't believe this. You're threatening me to accept your help. Are you listening to yourself?"
"Actually, I'm protecting the public against you. If I find out you're swindling people out of identities again after this, I'll turn you in myself. The alternative is that I turn you in right now."
Shit. He had me in a tight corner. I could squeeze out, but it'd take time to plan and some research to--
"Deal?" Jack interrupted my thoughts, thrusting out a hand. "If we have a deal, I help you get out of Neale's identity and get the target off your head. No deal, and you go to jail tonight."
I sighed, then took his hand.
"First thing's first," Jack said after we let go. "Burn those identities."
 
I shuffled around my office, peeling credit cards and IDs from underneath tables and underneath carpet flooring. Jack explored the room, looking for any that I might be intentionally leaving behind.
"We might need these to get out of town," I complained while stacking the cards on my desk.
"You mean you might need them. I don't have any fake identities to fall back on if things go south, so you don't get them either."
"I'm telling you, these could be useful," I grumbled.
"And I told you that was part of the deal. Every identity except Chris."
I kept Neale's and Chris's documents off to one side. Neale's I would need in case I needed to prove myself to my Employees, and Jack was letting me keep Chris's identity.
I tried to keep at least one identity hidden, but Jack swept the room and found him. Bert Drew, a tax accountant.
"Whoops, missed one," I laughed nervously. Jack just dropped the credit card on the table and continued searching.
Once Jack was satisfied by his search, we gathered all the documents and cards and went to Jack's house. We took out his barbeque, lit a fire, and toasted each one. Every name that was dumped into the fire evoked memories for me.
"And you'll pay off every last one of these and close the account?" Jack demanded.
"Most are already paid off," I sighed. "I'll finish the rest today."
He nodded his satisfaction.
 
After burning all that plastic to a crisp, we had gone inside to do some research. I wanted to check my phishing site for more details and talk to my Employees to find out how much I actually owed them.
Jack stood behind me as if he didn't trust what I was doing. Out of recent habit, I went to DeathNote first.
I couldn't believe what I was staring at. Neither could Jack. His jaw hung slack before he took his fingers through his hair again.
"Oh my god..." I whispered.
And so, my little darkweb dweebs--hey, that's kinda catchy--this is where you started to come in. I'm sure you've seen the lovely "Wanted Poster" style post at the top of DeathNote.
"WANTED -- NEALE KEATON. REWARD: $150,000. DEAD OR ALIVE."
The rest of the post was some big long monologue about how shitty Neale Keaton was and how he double crossed on his business deals and shot up both friends and enemies. It included lines about how Neale stole identities too, which I thought was interesting. Did they get that from the real Neale, or from stalking me?
The post wasn't signed, not even with a username. It was stuck to the top of the page. I read it in horror, a horror that was amplified after what we’d just done.
"YOU DICK!" I screamed, jumping at Jack and shoving him into the wall. Even as he backpedaled, he grabbed his Beretta and stabbed it into my chest. I was so furious that I didn't care.
"WE BURNED ALL OF MY IDENTITIES EXCEPT NEALE AND CHRIS. WELL, GUESS WHAT?! THEY KNOW ABOUT CHRIS NOW TOO! I'M WORTHLESS NOW, JACK!"
He kept the gun painfully dug into my chest and glared at me.
"There were kids at the store, when Neale's "employees" showed up. They were taking photos together in front of the store. Posing and stuff. They weren't even suspicious." He was thinking now.
"Do you see how far up shit creek we are now?!" I yelled.
Eventually, I calmed down and we got back onto DeathNote. It got worse.
There was an honest-to-God campaign against Neale. You assholes were commenting everything you could dig up on Neale from across the darkweb. The stuff came from hidden sites that I didn't have an invite to and couldn't have searched.
Our Neale had been a very busy man. Killed three drug runners in an ambush and stole their goods. Burned down a few competing meth labs. Harassed people who planned to testify against his friends and killed the ones who did.
I'd call him a bad guy, but that doesn't do it justice. Not only was he enemies with good people, but he was enemies with practically every other bad guy out there! Not a single positive comment about him showed up.
And everyone that commented thought that his name belonged to my face.
I sat back in disbelief.
“I can't outrun this,” I sighed. “This is all over the place, who knows where he has and hasn't been. No matter where I move, this bounty, plus the DeathNote gamble, is attached to my face. Doesn't matter who I really am. No one is going to believe me when I say I'm not him.”
Jack was staring grimly at the screen.
My phone suddenly rang, which scared the hell out of both of us. I exhaled sharply then took it off the table.
Another $1,000 had been added to DeathNote. I refreshed to see that, sure enough, there was more. The bet was for today.
“We should get moving,” Jack said after seeing the new bet.
“I need to take care of a couple of things on my own first,” I said. “Can I borrow your car and a scarf?”
 
Jack let me leave without a fight. I don't think he cared if I lived or died at that point.
“I'll call a couple of friends and see what I can set up while you're gone,” was his response.
I wrapped the scarf around my face in a way that didn't arouse suspicion, and left in Jack’s car.
My plans were twofold: collect my cash from my hiding places, and pay Neale’s Employees. There were three hiding places in town with cash that would total around $5,000. Enough, I hoped, to pay the two and get us out of town.
I called Marco, who I hoped was the tall one.
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” I ventured.
“Hey, boss.”
“You hear the news?” I asked.
“Which part?”
“I’ve been ousted.”
“Heard that,” he said.
“Anything else?”
“Shawn Lockhard is looking for you.” Marco sounded nervous.
“I'm not concerned about him right now,” I said, unsure how else to respond.
“He’s offering you help.”
Well then. I guess Neale has some friends after all.
“What kind of help?”
“The usual. Money, guns, passports.”
A way out. Neale was offering me a way out.
“I'm coming by to pay what I owe you,” I stated. “Remind me how much.”
“Nah, boss, it’s only a couple thousand. Keep it, you're going to need it. We planned for this.”
Well what do you know. Loyal employees, and good friends. Even though the world hated Neale, I was starting to like him. Guess he wasn't such a bad manager after all.
“We still should meet,” I said, against my better judgement. I glanced in my rearview mirror in paranoia. “We need to talk.”
 
I left the meeting with Marco and Alejandro feeling a little better. I had a meeting with Shawn Lockhard, whoever the hell that was.
We had spoken on the phone. Two passports, ten grand, and a private plane trip to the northwest. From there, I could slip into Canada and hide away while I disassociated Neale from myself.
Jack could do whatever he wanted after that.
As I drove back to the motel, I thought about just taking off. I thought about staying with Marco and Alejandro until the meeting that night, grabbing the money, and running. Jack would demand half of it, if not more.
But I wasn't Neale. Michael and Chris were more loyal than that.
So, I parked around back, and made my way to the room.
As I approached the motel room, my phone started buzzing. I opened it to see texts flooding in, one after the other.
Gambles on DeathNote were being placed left and right. What the hell? There were five already and growing.
When I stepped around the corner, I looked up from my phone, and my whole body tensed. There, huddled near the door to our motel, were the two DeathNote goons. Looked like I had just managed to turn the corner right as they were going to break the door down.
The one facing me looked up in surprise and pointed. The other one swung his head around to look at me. They were both wearing something on their heads… flashlights on headbands?
“You’ve got to be kidding”, I growled as they stood up and pursued me. I was already back around the corner by the time they’d stood. My phone’s buzzing picked up intensity as I stuck it back into my pocket.
I bolted for the car, thankful that I was leading them away from Jack and keeping him safe.
A silenced shot whizzed past my arm, and I moved to the side, my throat clenching up. I couldn’t even swear, I just moved back and forth, praying they were bad shots.
I heard three more silenced shots, but didn’t see where they went. I was coming up on the corner of a building, so I threw myself around it to put something between us. The car was still far enough away that they could catch up and fire more shots.
Suddenly, I heard gunshots from behind. I ducked behind a car and wondered what the hell I was going to do. My phone continued to buzz, and I got very, very irritated. Then, I realized that some of the gunshots weren’t silenced. There was an exchange of fire happening around the corner between muted, silenced shots and the raw power of a Beretta.
Jack was here.
I made for the car, pulling the keys out of my pocket while I ran. Gunfire was still filling the air when I jumped into the car. A few people were peering out of the gas station next door, wondering what was going on. I saw two of them on the phone, probably calling the police.
Great.
My phone was distracting me, so I pulled it out and tossed it onto the floor of the car. It kept buzzing, but at least now it wasn’t against my thigh.
I slammed the car into reverse and sped out of the parking space. For half a second, I wondered what the hell I was doing. But before I could question it, I put the car in drive and stomped on the gas. I lowered my seat so I could just barely see over the steering wheel.
I flew around the corner, yanking the wheel hard to the left. I saw my chance and took it.
The DeathNote goons were no match for the Honda Civic. The first guy bounced off my front bumper, flying forward into the air. The other guy, alerted by his buddy being bounced off, managed to roll onto the hood. Momentum had other plans, and he tumbled up the windshield, over the roof, and slipped off the trunk.
As he rolled over the windshield, I caught sight of what was on his head. A fucking camera. He was filming this! I glanced at my still buzzing phone on the floor of the car. It must’ve been a live feed, and people were submitting gambles, each trying to be the one who got the closest to my time of death.
Fuck.
I came to a stop just in time to see the first guy land on another parked car, setting off the car alarm. The brakes had brought me too far from Jack, so I switched into reverse and hit the gas. I heard the guy behind me scream, and the car jolted when it hit him.
Jack threw open the passenger door and slammed it shut.
“Go!” He yelled. I peeled out of the parking lot and into the street.
 
“Those fuckers!” I yelled, punching the steering wheel. I needed some release: a way to get the adrenaline out.
Jack looked down at my still buzzing phone.
“They had live feed cameras on their heads,” I explained. “They were showing video to DeathNote, and people were placing bets on the exact second that I would die.”
“Jesus…” Jack said in a tone I couldn’t quite understand.
“I arranged a deal,” I said. “I can get us out of here. Private plane, money, and a way out of the country.”
Jack did a double take.
“How?”
“My Employees set it up for me. I guess being Neale Keaton still has some perks.”
“How do you know it isn’t a trap? A way to kill you and collect the reward?”
“Because, according to my Employees, Shawn makes enough money to make that reward money seem like pocket change to him. Apparently I told them at one point that I’d seen his golden private jet.”
Jack still looked skeptical.
“I told him I was coming alone,” I continued. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t come along for backup.”
Jack nodded while I told him my plan.
 
I rolled up to the private airport and slowly pulled into hangar 3, as Shawn had instructed. Jack, who was hiding in the back seat, jumped out of the car on my command. I was moving slow enough for him to slip out and get behind some crates, gun at the ready. He was my backup if things went south.
If things went badly here, we’d be out of options.
I was met with a guy in a suit who held out a hand for me to stop the car. I obeyed. He came to my door and pulled it open for me.
“Welcome, Mr. Keaton,” he greeted cordially. Not what I was expecting.
I stepped out of the car, and he held out a hand for the keys. That made me nervous. I wanted a getaway vehicle.
“That’s okay,” I said, putting the keys in my pocket. To my surprise, he didn’t protest.
We were inside a massive hangar that housed not one, but two private planes. One was a small, single prop airplane. The other was a private jet. It was black, not gold, but was still sleek and beautiful.
The floors of the hangar were polished concrete that actually shone under the large, dome lights overhead. The walls were made from polished steel and segmented into storage containers. The hangar looked nice, but there were large crates scattered everywhere, as if a cargo plane had just been unloaded. The mess took away from the appeal if you asked m--
“Neale!” Someone called from across the concrete. I looked over to see a much older man walking my way. He was a walking contradiction. He looked like he was almost 90, but his walk was young and full of spring. I hoped I’d be that upbeat when I was that old. If I ever made it to that age.
Instead of replying with a name, like an amateur, I smiled widely. “Thanks for seeing me,” I said happily.
“Happy to see you in the flesh!” He called back as we neared each other. We met right in between the two planes. The man reached out a hand, and we shook vigorously. The man in the suit was still beside me, and the old man turned to him.
“Tell everyone that the hangar is closed for the night, please Harold. And go home yourself. Take the night off.”
The man smiled and actually bowed. The old man bowed back, and the man excused himself.
“I’m guessing you’re Shawn,” I ventured when the man had left. I hoped that Jack could find a way to stay hidden while they closed down the hangar.
“Indeed,” he laughed, giving me a wry smile. “It’s so good to see you, Neale. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for a long time.”
“Long overdue, I guess,” I smiled back, playing my part. “I wish it was under better circumstances. You’re aware of my situation?”
“Oh yes,” he murmured. “Your identity has been revealed. You’re a marked man, Neale.”
Something about that last sentence made me uneasy. Shawn must’ve sensed it, because he laughed to put me at ease.
“You and I are a lot alike,” he said in typical old man rhetoric. Life story, here we come.
“Bold, but cautious. Visionaries. Makers of our own fortune. When you were down after leaving the Army, you didn’t just accept your fate. You got up and took control of your future.”
I nodded, my heart skipping a beat. Stay calm, Neale might have been in the Army too, that’s not uncommon.
“You and I both use people to get what we want. We both started out by mistreating them, but, over time, we learned that the best way to get what you want from people is to give them something in return. We learned to treat our human relationships as symbiotic.”
“I used people face to face. But you, my friend, you used people without them even knowing about it. I’m in awe of your methods. What a world of technology we live in,” Shawn sighed.
My smile was fading.
“Hello, Michael,” he smirked. “I’m Neale Keaton.”
 
A small pistol had materialized in his wrinkled hand, and light glinted off the metal in my peripheral. It was aimed steadily at my chest.
“Do you know how long it took to track down all of your history? I mean, once I had your real name and found your credit cards, it was a lot easier to backtrack you from identity to identity. You kept great historical data. I guess you just got sloppy after a while.”
“I’m not alone,” I whispered.
“You’re not?” He said in surprise.
“Jack!” I called into the empty hangar, my voice echoing. The real Neale Keaton didn’t even flinch.
There was no reply.
“Sounds to me like you’re alone,” Keaton chuckled.
“Actually,” Jack said from behind him. “He brought me.”
Keaton didn’t even turn around. Jack’s gun was trained on Keaton’s back, but Keaton just smiled.
“Glad you could make it,” he said.
“Me too. Almost thought that Michael was going to come without me,” Jack smirked before lowering his gun. I stared at him in disbelief.
“You… and… him?” I stuttered.
Keaton waited while I put it together. I didn’t vocalize my understanding.
“Why?” I asked.
Keaton’s eyebrow raised.
“Why take such a roundabout way to get money? Why didn’t you just have Jack shoot me in the back, take your money, and leave?”
Keaton burst out laughing. Jack’s smile was condescending, as if I had asked why 2 plus 2 did not equal five.
“It’s not about the money,” he laughed. “If you don’t get it yet, there’s no point in me explaining it to you.”
He turned to Jack.
“Is he armed?”
“No,” Jack said, still clutching his Beretta but aiming it at the floor. Neale nodded.
“You want me to take your place,” I said, the pieces suddenly clicking. Once one block fell, the rest of the puzzle clicked.
And ho-ly shit, was it clever.
“Oooooh my Gooood,” I laughed, unable to resist smiling. “You don’t want to be Neale Keaton anymore!”
Keaton smiled reassuringly.
“You’ve made too many enemies! But you were smart enough to do business without letting anyone ever see who you were. You hired other people to do your deals, even though it pissed off the people you made deals with.
“Every time your hired guns double crossed someone, even if they were rogue and stealing from you, you were the one who got blamed. There’s only so many bad deals that can happen before no one will deal with you anymore.”
“I guess he can think,” Keaton glanced at Jack.
“But you couldn’t have just thought of this after I’d stolen your identity… you had to have…” I trailed off, thinking.
“My identity was bait. You were the one unlucky fish who bit the hook. I let you be me before releasing the hounds,” Keaton prompted.
“You hired the DeathNote guys? You put money on your own head and just hoped they wouldn’t shoot the real Neale Keaton?”
“Of course they didn’t know who I was,” Keaton snapped.
“You gave them my address,” I kept going. “And the other two guys you hired were, what, a scare tactic? Why tell them they were working for Neale?”
“They were my employees long before you came along. I had to dump them just like I dumped my identity. Once you die, they’ll find a new employer.”
“And once you had decided that I would be your strawman to take a bullet for you, you told them about Shawn Lockhard,” I finished.
Keaton nodded, looking impressed.
“I’ll make you a deal, Michael, since that’s why you’re here. I’ll let you live. Jack here won’t be the one to kill you. You’re smart. You get to keep Neale Keaton’s identity and I’ll let the world finish you off. You may last a while, but not that long.”
“How very generous,” I said sarcastically.
“Sarcasm won’t help me like you any more.” Keaton tutted.
“But why Jack? What’s he got to do with this?”
“I was your bodyguard, of sorts,” he spoke up. “My job was to keep you alive long enough for the word to spread that Neale Keaton had to die. Plus, I supplied all of your identities to Neale here.”
That also explained how he knew about DeathNote. Keaton had told him about the plan.
I remembered the gunfight we had just left with the DeathNote guys. Neither of them had been behind any cover, yet no one had been shot. The firefight had been staged. How many more details had I missed?
“If you try to use any of the identities that you and Jack burned,” Keaton said, “I’ll add it to the Wanted poster. You are to use my identity and mine only. You will become me. I even emailed you some notes about the people you may meet.”
“Once again, how generous.”
“See, I can be nice,” Keaton said. “Unfortunately, I have a duty to a client who I promised a tip-off on the infamous Neale Keaton.”
Keaton nodded to Jack, and Jack aimed the Beretta once more. I put my hands up instinctively.
“We’re going to take a little trip, leave you tied up somewhere, and let my client know your whereabouts.”
“Not much of a chance against the world,” I replied.
Keaton shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll think of some way out. If you don’t, then you’re not worthy of my name after all.”
Jack advanced toward me. “Turn around,” he said. I slowly complied. Suddenly, the sound of a small, metallic ting resounded throughout the hangar. Like a magnet to metal.
A huge, fiery explosion suddenly went off at the head of the private jet. The heat raced across my skin, and it felt like I was next to a bonfire. Luckily, we were further back towards the tail, or else we might’ve been hit.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!” Keaton shrieked.
“There!” Someone yelled from the large hangar entrance, which had been left open. Gunfire filled the hangar. Jack dropped his attention from me and moved to stand in front of Keaton. He raised his Beretta and took several calculated shots and the men who were firing blindly inside.
I dropped and rolled under the single prop plane, putting something between Jack and I before he decided to take a shot at me instead.
The gunfire increased as more men showed up at the entrance.
“NOWHERE TO HIDE, NEALE!” Someone screamed.
“FUCK YOU, OLIVER!” Keaton yelled back, returning fire with his own small pistol.
“Jack, move back. The crates have ammo.” Keaton said over the gunfire. I was barely able to hear him.
Perfect, I thought. I moved quietly along the airplane, keeping its body between me and the multiple shooters. When I hit the back of the plane, I peered around. Jack and Keaton were still exchanging bullets with the intruders, slowly stepping towards the crates in the back.
I moved just out of their peripheral vision, following my training. I stayed low and made sure the plane kept me out of sight. When I reached the scattered crates, I lifted one quickly to find it full of nothing but straw.
Taking a chance, I dug my hand down and touched metal, thank God.
I pulled out an actual AK with the a clip taped to the side with packaging tape. Biting off the tape, I felt around for ammo and managed to snag a handful of loose bullets.
I ducked behind the crate and slid bullets one by one into the clip. Eight bullets. Eight shots. More than enough to kill Keaton and Jack, but not enough to get out of here. They’d kill everyone here just to make sure they got the real Keaton.
I heard gunfire getting closer, so I knew that Jack and Keaton were getting closer. They had to be running out of bullets by now. I glanced up and saw that they were using the plane as cover like I had and were still making their way back.
Raising the AK, I aimed for Jack’s back, lining the sights up perfectly. My finger slowly squeezed the trigger until I heard a click.
It jammed.
SHIT,” I hissed involuntarily. That made Jack turn around.
I hit the floor as three bullets zipped overhead, denting the steel wall behind me. Desperately, I tore at the bullet feed, trying to kick out the jammed bullet. I heard Jack’s gun click loudly, and took my chances.
I jumped up, still fiddling with the AK, and ran towards Jack. He ran towards me too, ready to fist-fight it out. I lowered the AK to one hand and raised the other like I was going to punch. The distraction worked, and I shoved the AK forward, barrel first. It hit him hard in the gut, and he doubled over. With two hands, I used the AK to slam the butt down on the back of his head. He collapsed instantly. I’d hit the back of his neck perfectly.
Gasping for air and trying to keep the adrenaline for just a little longer, I tried one more attempt to unjam my rifle. But it was hopeless, and I could get shot at any second.
Keaton turned back, probably just realizing that Jack was gone, and saw me standing over Jack’s unconscious body.
I dropped the gun, intending to run back to the crates and find another. But the jammed bullet jumped out when the gun hit the ground. Both Keaton and I saw the bullet bounce off the ground. As if in slow motion, I bent to pick up the gun while he spun his pistol on me.
I wasn’t fast enough.
A bullet caught him in the calf from behind, and he screamed. It forced him down onto one knee in a small spray of blood. His gun went off, but wasn’t aimed anywhere specific.
He crawled further under the plane to shield himself, which gave me time to act.
I pulled out my phone, which was pissing me off. IIt had been vibrating non-stop ever since I arrived at the hangar. Even though it pissed me off, it was good. It meant that Marco and Alejandro had done their jobs.
I raised the AK in one hand, and my phone in the other. One button started the video recording. I let out all six remaining bullets, only two of which actually hit Keaton’s chest. He screamed again, dropped his gun, and fell down face-first.
Satisfied, I hit “Stop” on my phone and slipped it into my pocket again.
Both were down. I was the only one left. And the gunfire from the door wasn’t slowing down.
The squeal of tires made me perk up my ears, and I smiled in disbelief as two SUV’s sped into the hangar, each manned by Marco and Alejandro. Alejandro used his to defend Marco’s car, which sped between the two planes and skid to a stop in front of Keaton.
I raced forward with the AK and jumped into the backseat. I dropped to the floor while Marco hit the gas and turned around. Alejandro had already gone in front and his SUV was taking all the fire. The car rocked as we tore out of the hangar and bullets ravaged the back of the car.
I tore the battery out of my phone to stop it from vibrating anymore.
“Their cars are parked far away, we should be safe soon,” Marco said with his usual accent.
“Thanks, Marco,” I rasped, sitting up.
“You’re welcome, Mr. Keaton.”
 
I knew there was a 50/50 chance that this meeting was setup. In the worst case, I’d be riding a private jet out with guns blazing. In the best case… well, what happened was the best case.
At my request, Alejandro and Marco had gone onto DeathNote and spread rumors that I was getting alerts from DeathNote whenever a new hit was added. I changed my code to paste my phone’s location on DeathNote every time it received a text about a new hit.
You darkweb dweebs caught on immediately and started spamming the hit list to get my location and track me down. The more hits that were added, the more value Neale Keaton’s death had. And with that beautiful video, I was able to prove to the DeathNote owners that I had indeed killed Neale Keaton.
How did they know that old guy was the real Neale?
I’d been recording on my phone ever since I got to the hangar. The audio corroborated everything.
With proof in hand, the runners of DeathNote paid out my grand total of $56,000 in Bitcoin. I didn’t get the $150,000 unfortunately since it was Keaton himself who had placed that reward.
See, I knew something was fishy with Jack after I looked at his phone the morning after I told him I was an identity thief.
He was asleep when I went through his phone to try and find a way to ditch him somehow. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. But his calls list showed a call to the same number multiple times over the last couple of days. All of the calls had been made while I wasn’t with him.
Sure, it could have been anyone, but it made me suspicious.
When I met with Marco and Alejandro, I kept up the ruse of being Neale. They only knew what I told them, and I asked them to bring two cars to my phone’s location when they heard shooting.
My phone had brought you lovely darkweb fuckers right to where I was going to die. You inadvertantly saved my life.
Like I said from the start, you were being manipulated. By both Neale and myself.
Thanks ;)
Someone made a post a few days ago out of video from the people who came to kill Keaton at the hangar. The video showed Jack and Keaton, who was a 90 year-old guy, but not my face. All the rest of you saw that Keaton’s reward had been claimed, and cried fraud.
But it wasn’t fraud. I just beat you all to it.
This post is here to salvage Chris’s reputation. Michael is a piece of shit. Neale is a piece of shit too. But Chris is the one identity I actually wanted. I wish I could have that identity and that life back. But it’s too late now. You have forced my hand, and until this site accepts that I got the bounty fair and square, I can’t be Chris the store manager.
I’m an identity thief, my darkweb dwellers. I become who I need to be to get what I want.
The sooner you accept that I am NOT Neale Keaton, the sooner Neale Keaton will die. Until then, Keaton’s email is really helping me assume his role. Once you all accept it, I’ll dump his shit, delete everything, and go back to being Chris the store manager.
Until that changes, I am Neale Keaton.
submitted by darkwebidentity to nosleep [link] [comments]

"Code is Law": Comedy Gold Survey on Ethereum

Survey ID: 00001 Coin: Ethereum Client: Tyler Durden

Executive summary:

Ethereum is almost certainly the number 2 coin in comedy gold. It will likely surpass Bitcoin in comedy gold long before it passes it in market cap. Thanks in large part to a spam-based marketing campaign on Reddit, it also has a dedicated base of critics.
After its IPO, it was known as “Inthereum” for a while, infinitely powerful of course, as vaporware can do anything. It had a major version release, then another. Finally, a major smart contract, in terms of valuation, came along: The DAO. Not to be confused with other DAOs, before and after. The DAO was the biggest. It was going to be the best; it already was the best! Euphoria was off the charts.
Until just a few months in, a bug was found. And the killer app became the flash point. What could they do? Well, hard fork and give the money back, of course! And so they did.
“Code is Law”; but this is actually good for Ethereum because “[a]lthough some do question the analogy ‘code is law’. I do not. We just found out that we have a supreme court, the community!” [1]
After the D'OH, Ethereum struggles to top its ATH comedy gold, but there is still a bright future for popcorn and comedy gold from Ethereum.

5 Largest Veins of Comedy Gold

Here are the largest comedy gold veins in Ethereum in potential reserves in our estimation in approximately descending order:
  • Cultlike euphoria - Now, this can certainly be said to be common to almost all cryptocurrencies. But Ethereum seems special here, even more than Bitcoin's community. There is a real belief here that this coin is going to change the world. This helps play into a "this is very good for Ethereum" mindset, wherein even the D'OH fork was a great success!
There is no greater terror than a fiend on ether.
  • Vitalik Buterin - The best name in cryptocurrency! Young genius central to Ethereum and almost universally seen as the most important leader in the project. In our view, his endorsement and leadership during the D'OH fork led to that route being taken. That is, we believe if he had opposed it from the start, he may have been able to prevent it or at least have led to what is now called ETC being the dominant of the two.
And so in our view, Mr. Buterin runs a billion dollar cryptocurrency right now. He and his team seem to have done reasonably well so far; it seems likely they'll continue to thrive. To the best of my knowledge, confirmed on /ethereum, there hasn't been a drug market implemented in Ethereum or trading with ETH so far. But while it seems like a terrible idea, because of the lack of privacy and proven mutability of contracts, it seems like eventually there's going to be a major drug market accepting ETH just because it has such a high value. And, they point out, monero and zcoin’s core privacy feature will apparently be available on ETH after this next fork, so look forward to anonymous ETH fueling drug markets!
And then the interesting question will be raised of how Chief Justice Buterin will rule on the case, whether it is worthy of an intervention or not. If not a drug market, then another buggy and hacked contract. Or a hacked exchange, and the question of whether to make it or its users whole, or "let the hacker win".
  • DAOs - From the beginning, it was proposed that Ethereum itself and its reserve fund would be turned into a DAO. How exactly this was going to happen would be figured out later of course. There was an initial estimate of 2016 for the transition.
Of course, in 2016, The DAO and the D'OH happened. I'm not aware of a current further push to put all of ETH's future funding into a DAO. But I'm sure the topic will resurface. And it will be hilarious on so many levels. The DAO actually collapsed too soon for peak comedy gold extraction. It had been predicted that there would be no consensus on any proposals and that nothing would be funded, and that there would be gold from that. But it was just a few months in when the bug was found. And while the D'OH fork was certainly a rich vein of comedy gold, it wasn't as rich as what the DAO could have been if it had floundered around for a year or so before the hack.
Surprisingly, there's actually a running, apparently working DAO on ETH that was started even before The DAO: digixDAO. If it keeps on running, it will continue to be hilarious as other DAOs fail to learn from it. If it fails, there's all the more hilarity for Ethereum, making it the platform where anything complicated enough to look like an original use case will break. The very existence of digix is proof-of-comedy-gold.
  • Immutability - The whole central notion of immutability is going to be a recurring question for Ethereum after the D'OH. While there was a lot of sentiment of "just this once and never again" at the time, there will someday be another major issue, and the precedent will mean that at least a major debate among the community will be had. Ethereum is "mostly immutable". Bitcoin is far better protected here, because while it's true they've hard forked to fix a bug before, that was years ago and the community is far more fractured now. Ethereum has a demonstrated capacity to do both routine and controversial hard forks. This strength is also a challenge, as it will invite constant legal and ethical questions about when it's appropriate to modify the chain itself with a fork: that is, rolling back some or all transactions after major bugs, thefts, frauds, and so forth.
  • Concentration of funds - This one I'm just guessing at. Although rich lists do exist, obviously one entity like an exchange could pool funds in an address without one person owning that much, or one person could splits their coins among many accounts. But it gives a rough guide. In Bitcoin, the top 113 addresses, having more than 10,000 BTC, in total are 17.46% of the current supply [ 2 ]. And in Ethereum, it's true that the top two accounts are marked as exchange accounts [ 3 ]. Still, having lots of funds concentrated in a single exchange wallet seems to still have some potential for comedy gold. In Ethereum, the top 50 addresses have more than double the proportion of the top 113 in Bitcoin, a bit over 40% of the current supply. My guess would be there are still a lot of people who invested heavily in the initial ICO who have held onto a significant portion of their initial ETH. While some of these top addresses are exchanges, I think there are probably many individuals represented in here as well, and every one of them is a multimillionaire from this account alone.
Of course, so far, because ETH is still smaller than BTC in overall market cap, these top addresses aren't as huge as the top addresses in Bitcoin in current market value. But if ETH were to overtake BTC's current position with a relatively unchanged distribution, there would be some real comedy gold coming off this factor. Cribs could have a spin-off Ethereum series.
This concentration was a part of making The D'OH what it was in my view as well: in Bitcoin, there would never have been so much of the coin tied up in one particular venture, at least not now. But in Ethereum, this concentration and groupthink can combine to hilarious effect.

A Brief History of Comedy Gold in Ethereum:

“Laws, like sausages, cease to inspire respect in proportion as we know how they are made” - John Godfrey Saxe
In the beginning, there was an offering. The greatest coin the world had ever seen; step right up and buy it! There was even code; this is no vaporware! Sure, there was more work to be done, but the ICO would fund that work, the founders would get a little, and create a reserve for the future and the rest would be mineable.
There was also some of the most vociferous objections on BCT, declaring that the stake allocated to the founders was too large, pointing to other coins which had done smaller or done without. Arguing against the reserve; arguing against having a presale at all. Some people, of course, completely failing to read the documentation accurately to see what was even being proposed. And an almost complete radio silence from this large team working around the clock on Ethereum.
It took some months from when the initial ANN was made until the sale actually started, but by the time they had their sale, they had perhaps the best documentation at launch to-date. Of course, there were some areas which seemed to lack some detail, like the budgeting, but never mind that, it was finally launching!
Launching the sale, at least. In July and August of 2014, Ether was first sold. It was described as “fuel” for the virtual machine they were going to build [ 4 ].
And then, a year later, Ethereum was released live. By July 2016, it had already had its first major crisis after The DAO was hacked and the D’OH fork introduced in response.
But the fact that Ethereum was ever released, and that it was released so quickly, is truly incredible. There was more than one person who thought that the stated goals of Ethereum were not possible. And, of course, many initial goals and deadlines didn’t happen. But unlike the railbirds on BCT were convinced, the team did not fail nor did it run off with the money. They were given a blank check, and they actually delivered a working product which has been successful so far financially.
Of course, having its flagship smart contract go belly-up quite so quickly after having finally gotten a “killer app” seems rather unfortunate. The oracle problem (the question of how to reliably relate smart contracts to the outside world) seems unresolved, but partial solutions are inevitable and can only serve to make increasingly complex and thus popcorn-loaded contracts possible.
Right now, all seems relatively quiet. But rest assured, there remains plenty of euphoria and gas to drive many more cycles of comedy gold production. Ether huffers need something to throw their ETH at. The more complicated; the better! Given some of the creations that have been made in NXT, for instance, a few more years of creativity on ETH should yield some very complicated and pop-corn rich smart contracts.

Researcher’s Narrative:

I was relaxing in my office, waiting for business. It was a dingy little one-room affair, but it would serve for now. Particularly with no clients. I had poured myself a double shot, and was about to enjoy it, when suddenly the door opened.
A man walked in, familiar somehow although I couldn't place him. I reached out my hand instinctively, and instead of shaking it, he handed me a dollar.
"Hello?"
He pointed at the sign in the window, advertising a promotional one dollar gold survey for the first client. Always astute, I quickly surmised he wished to hire me.
"Of course, sir! What coin would you like?"
"Ethereum."
"Certainly! And may I have your name for the log?"
"Tyler Durdan."
And with that, my newest client left. I downed my double and poured a generous triple to follow it. This was going to be a long day.
Ethereum was the ultimate prize in my line of work. The coin which proved the adage that truth is stranger than fiction; which had proved itself a lucrative source of comedy gold.
And who am I? Guy Noir, private comedy gold surveyor. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Premined scamcoins crashing on noname exchanges. I watched popcorn glitter in the dark on forgotten the BCT threads. Popcorn junkies strung out on a high, and I've delivered them more comedy gold, popcorn, salt and butter. There is never enough.
A dark night in a world that never sleeps and knows how to keep its secrets...But on the 12th Floor of the Acme Building, one man is still trying to find the answers to life's persistent questions: Guy Noir, private comedy gold surveyor.
Thank you, Narrator. Now, as I was saying, Ethereum is overloaded with gold. But the core is pretty straightforward:
Ethereum promised "smart contracts". Immutable. Turing-complete. This was what Bitcoin lacked. The bee's knees. Crypto 2.0. What could go wrong?
We'll skip over the "Inthereum" period. Perhaps the vaporware criticism was never fair: from their version, they had Proof-of-Concept code; they went through some iterations and eventually got to release.
Let's note clearly that there was plenty of time to determine some sort of official policy for what to do about a buggy or improperly written contract losing money. In Bitcoin, every hack has been a SFYL event, although it’s true that a bug in the coin itself was hard forked away before. Mt. Gox tried to blame malleability, but there was never a fork to try to recover funds. In Ethereum, immutability was often talked about. So far as I saw in skimming, “what if” scenarios to undo bugs wasn’t brought up front-and-center. Nor was immutability being debated that I saw.
So Ethereum releases. A major contract is launched, The DAO, which gets an astonishing portion of ETH invested. The world's largest crowd sale as they ultimately called it. All the major players in ETH buy into it, including Vitalik Buterin, the creator of Ethereum and the best name in cryptocurrency.
Just as they're starting to get into the comedy gold that The DAO doesn't really have a purpose, a bug is discovered. And just as its leader is assuring everyone that no funds are at risk, the funds start being drained out of the contract by an unknown party.
And suddenly immutable means "immutable unless we screw up on the biggest contract which everyone important has invested in heavily". Ethereum ultimately hard-forks to return investor funds and basically unwind The DAO. After claiming that the bug was in the contract, the coin itself is hard forked to fix the issue. And the first Ethereum clone results, one which simply does not follow the new hard fork.
So the natural question is: when can a contract be changed? In the first page of the Ethereum launch, this question was implied by asking about what would happen if there were an assassination market hosted by a smart contract on Ethereum. Of course, in reality, Ethereum is not really functional enough at present to enforce such a contract, but the question remains in case Ethereum were to actually attain a functioning smart contract platform.
Attempted reference to Tears in rain monologue, credit to Rutger Hauer
Guy Noir and narrator text lovingly stolen from Prairie Home Companion's Guy Noir, by Garrison B. Keillor.

Researcher’s Rant

Filed for psych eval
Twenty pages into the BCT ANN, I believe I have contracted cancer, again. I’m reminded of why I don’t generally go on BCT. As bad as altcoin forums tend to be for their circlejerking, it’s almost better than the, well, there’s really no way to put it other than FUD that inevitably appears in response to anything. Of course, it’s not paid shilling so much as it is willful and vocal ignorance. For all the critiques in that thread, most of them are utter nonsense and simply are misreading the initial information. On the other hand, it’s January 27th in the thread by now, with February 1st and the pre-sale start, and they don’t have their “prospectus” up yet. I also haven’t seen the change in mining rate yet.
Side note: eMunie; wtf? I guess I missed something? Either it’s gone through a namechange or it’s dead, because a quick coinmarketcap search didn’t find anything. A comedy gold mining project for another day.
Great; spoiler alert: fundraiser delayed apparently, so even more cancer to read through in that thread on the way to getting to a prospectus!
The first 44 pages of the thread was summarized thus: “I want to believe. Why are you not speaking to us? Throw me a bone. Just tell me what I want to hear, and I'll gladly throw my money in.” [ 5 ] Would that I had only had to read that quote rather than all 44 pages, and facing many more.
Pages and comments dragged on as I waded through the low-grade popcorn. When would this prospectus be released, so my torment would end? Oh god: a side-thread shows that by the time they get to April, there’s still no prospectus or presale date or estimate of when there may be a date [ 6 ]. It’s time to give up on reading through the cancerous mainthread on BCT and start jumping ahead pages to find the pre-sale and prospectus.
Okay, finally, in July, they release documents and start the sale [ 7 ]. Good enough.
I have mountains of links on my desk. Comedy gold is overflowing, but this is a survey expedition, not a mining operation. But by the time it’s surveyed, there’s always so much gold lined up to mine it gets hard to leave it behind and leave with the samples.
It’s time to hammer out some copy and close this file.
Folks, we hope you’ve enjoyed this descent into madness and comedy gold brought to you by the Comedy Gold Survey Company and our patron Tyler Durden. Do you need more comedy gold in your life? Of course you do! So please donate today; every $1 helps! I’ve added a new special: $5 lets you choose the next coin to be surveyed!
Thanks again to Tyler Durden, and I will now be re-watching Fight Club and questioning my sanity. Cheers y’all!
Resources:
Edit: 3/26/2020: Removed a link to a comment per request from the user.
Footnotes and other links:
submitted by coinaday to Buttcoin [link] [comments]

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Dead Man's Switch

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